Oh HELL No!

June 12, 2009 at 2:48 pm 3 comments


This amuses me.
How I didn’t know about this before is beyond me — but it amuses me still.

See, years ago, townsfolk in Kingsville, Texas brought the Heck Naw to the gold standard of worldwide welcomes and replaced that bitch with 100% dumbfuck.

At the urging of some twit named Leonso Canales Jr. — who got his britches in a big ol’ bunch over the ‘hell’ in ‘hello’ — commissioners went full retard and unanimously designated “heaven-o” as the county’s official greeting.

Those twats even passed a resolution on that mess – resolving to not just adopt nutsack’s “universal greeting” [WTF?] “as the official greeting of Kleberg County and a symbol of peace, friendship, and welcome” but also to commend his “positive approach … and dedication to the community.” 

And I get it.
I mean, ok — so dude wanted to do something positive.
pozactS’cool. I’m down.

Soooo why not pass a resolution on the positive effects of volunteering in the community and requiring everyone do volunteer at least 2 hours every week?
And what about a resolution about the positive outcome recycling has on the community and give everyone new bins to help the effort?
Or how about a resolution about the positivity of literacy and how everyone is invited to free reading seminars and book club meetings at the local library?

Because none of that shit invokes PURE EVIL like the dreaded hello!

Which is sad because that must mean the rez translated to other words that summon Satan simply by being said.

You know, like I bet it’s stressful in ol’ Kingsville now that everyone has to know everything about everything all the time since no one is allowed to be shellshocked anymore.

And I’m sure it’s got to be more than a little restrictive for the local football team to want to win REAL bad … but not be permitted get hellbent on the idea.

And you gotta know you are just twenty kinds of screwed if you’re in a rush and someone starts blah blah-ing to you about this shit or that crap or some other mess because now they have free reign to just drone on and on and on and on and on since no one’s allowed to put it in a nutshell anymore.

Damn.

But hey — at least no one in Kingsville lives in a hellhole and I bet everyone there is all relaxed and peaceful-like now that the peeps aren’t permitted to walk on eggshells.

Too bad about Shelly though.
I bet her friends really miss her …

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3 Comments

  • 1. Ponchita  |  June 13, 2009 at 3:02 am

    come on now cookie! quit pickin on us down in here in texas 😀 kingsville is right down the road from where i grew up in victoria. you want to poke some fun at some full on retard texans…go dig up some old archives on the stupid things that happen in the “big vic”! HAHAHA
    i think their old sherrif was just recently brought up on charges (don’t know if he was indicted) of luring underage boys via the internet and met one of them years ago dressed as a woman for some funky junk in the back of the truck kind of lovin. michael ratcliff. look him up one day when you are bored..he’s a nutcase.

  • 2. lifeisacookie  |  June 13, 2009 at 2:09 pm

    Oh you KNOW I’m going to look him up now!!!!
    You need a contributing editor tag, girl — aside from audacious wordage, you throw some awesome ideas out there 😉

  • 3. springdaddy  |  June 24, 2009 at 7:16 pm

    Ponchita having good ideas?…………….Naw! LMAO! That crazy latindancin, beer swillin, tangle a weavy web of brain impulses never has any good ideas…..

    It’s possible she had one, leaving the big “Vic”…hahahaaaa! And the oompa loompa crossing was a good one too….


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