Shocking outcome (no, not really)

May 19, 2009 at 1:46 pm 4 comments

Old and Busted: Subjecting your kids to boring meetings and office gossip during ‘Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day’.

New Hotness: Subjecting your kids to near electrocution during ‘Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day’.

At least that’s how [former] Florida Department of Corrections Sgt. Walter Schmidt saw it when he assembled a group of children visiting their parents at Franklin Correctional Institution, whipped out a handheld stun device, went full retard and gave the wee ones 50,000 volts of ZZZZZZZTTT!

Sergeant Shitferbrainz thought it’d be ok, since he’d asked the parents for permission and all.
“When they said ‘sure,’ I went ahead and did it.”
::: Well … ‘cuz … SURE! :::

ouchkidThe little innocents reportedly yelped in pain, fell to the ground and grabbed red burn marks on their arms.
One was taken to a nearby hospital.

“It wasn’t intended to be malicious, but educational,” Schmidt said. “The big shock came when I got fired.”
::: pun intended??? :::

Oh yes — they canned his ass – amazing but true!
::: well, amazing for Florida … :::

Schmidt was fired for violating established DOC procedure and paving the way for some way cool kidding litigation — but let’s not overlook the ‘colossal dumbass’ factor, either.

1.) Simple math: Snowflake Assembly + Shake N’ Bake = Pink Slippage
2.) Knowing he couldn’t handle simple math … if he was going to full retard, he should have at least given momma’s little preshuss ones the full penal experience.

dropsoapI mean, why not a cavity search or a night in the tank with Big Louie?
Why not hand them a bar of soap and send them off to the showers or let them spend a couple of ‘educational’ moments blindfolded and strapped into Old Sparky?

Hmm? HMMMMM????

Because surely any parent who’d sign off on having their kid’s neural and muscular systems temporarily DIS-FUCKING-ABLED!!!!! would energetically endorse the MEGA-Misery Prison Package!


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A moveable feast Rush Limbaugh: Pomposity Personified


  • 1. steadycat  |  May 19, 2009 at 2:51 pm

    Oh. My. Goodness. He was surprised that he got fired? What do they normally get away with in that station? I hope they gave him a good bye zzzzzt for each child.

  • 2. writechicpress  |  May 19, 2009 at 4:25 pm

    Crazy. I’m surprised he wasn’t charged with child endangerment and assault!!!! Dumb fucker.

  • 3. Ponchita  |  May 20, 2009 at 5:25 am

    wait – did the parent’s honestly know what they were signing off on?!? did they?….seriously? i mean there are days in the ponchita casa where my kids go all kinds of hella crazy and a stun gun would get me some much needed 5 mins of quiet time. seriously though, i would never do it….really, i would not.
    ok so cop of the year definitely deserved the “don’t let the door hit ya in the ass on the way out” speech….but these parent’s should have their brains checked as well. he takes the retarded to a whole new level for sure.
    or perhaps you just forgot the other equation in your math lesson

    parents allowing cop to taser children = BIG FAT LAWSUIT cha ching or BIG FAT ASS settlement.

    can i nominate him for your dumbass of the year award? do you have one those categories? which me makes me think you should totally have a red carpet event every year for the “cookie awards”.

  • 4. lifeisacookie  |  May 20, 2009 at 10:35 am

    now THAT is a good idea!! AWARDS CEREMONY!!!

    I do agree with you though about the parents — and I hope they’re being looked at but yes — according to reports — they actually John Hancocked permission to have their kids zapped (stood in a circle aparently so the charge could travel from one to the next).


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