It’s an all-out PAPER TOWEL WAR!!
Seems the folks at Bounty paper towels are 20 kinds of pissed over Brawny’s new look because they believe it’s an intellectual dupe of their ‘bowtie-like embossed’ pattern design.
::: they must not know that whole ‘imitation is the sincerest form of flattery’ bit :::
They’re so bent out of shape that Cincinnati-based Proctor & Gamble Co. — Bounty’s owner — filed a federal lawsuit to stop the alleged copy-cattery allegedly being perpetrated by Atlanta-based Georgia-Pacific LLC — Brawny’s owner.
::: ludicrously litigatory :::
“We will rigorously defend our intellectual property rights, which in this case involves infringements to our Bounty trademark and trade dress,” some P&G spokesbitch blah blah’d in an email to reporters.
“We believe the claims are entirely meritless, and we plan to defend the lawsuit vigorously,” Georgia-Pacific blah blah’d back.
All relevant blah blah aside?
The real crime here isn’t the pattern.
It’s the lumberjack!
My untidies can only be treated by the thirstiest of towels – and that ain’t the jack, ‘kay?
Which is why I quit that bitch years ago for the cottony comfort of Viva.
I mean, helllooo?!?
Look at his veneers! His high cheekbones!! His perfect hair and plush lips!!!
He’s either the missing Village Person or I’m the Queen of England!
This guy is all jazz-hands and showmanship.
Corporate even gave that slut a makeover complete with a smokin’ hot new set of guns and a tighter ’70s shag ‘n stache. But all that glam + 1,000 plaid shirts and manly poses can’t hide it.
He’s just not strong enough to be my man.
I’m sorry, but it is what it is. And don’t front like you don’t know what I’m saying.
You see it.
You know you do.
If that cutter isn’t keeping a pair of assless chaps hanging next to a whip and a feather boa on the back of his bathroom door then I need to go wrangle the corgis for their afternoon walk!
Ya — the bother with your branding ain’t the ‘pattern’ boys … but good luck with that lawsuit and all.
[Ed Note: My chaps are on a hanger and my whip is under the bed … I’m hella fun — but I’m nobody’s mascot either.]
Entry filed under: advertising, blogging, comedy, culture, entertainment, fun, funny, Gossip, humor, life, media, neighborhood, News, odd, reporting, unbelievable, Uncategorized. Tags: amusing, bounty, brand, brawny, dumb, georgia pacific, hee hee, lawsuit, legal, lumberjack, paper towel, proctor and gamble, ridiculous, silly, stupid, trademark.