CNN tackles the tough stuff

April 7, 2009 at 5:59 pm 3 comments


What with all of the economic uncertainty, security concerns and general depravity everywhere, I take great comfort in the knowlege that I can count on CNN to bring me the really big news.

Like today’s ‘Twelve Amusing Excuses For Being Late For Work‘ … awesome market downturn, massive layoff reading there.
Because it’s just common knowledge that the absolute first thing on the mind of someone suffering job-loss jitters is where to find new and creative ways to endanger their employability.
::: CNN’s got yer back, dawg! :::

“While some employers tend to be more lenient with worker punctuality, 30% say they have terminated an employee for being late,” CareerBuilder.com‘s VP of HR said.

You guys got that?
Career Pro Tip: Being late for work can get you fired.

WOW!!

I mean, you just don’t get that kind of top-secret insider info any old place!
::: CNN and CareerBuilder totally  us! :::

According to a February survey of more than 8,000 workers all the goldbrickers still employed in America, 20% said they arrive late to work at least once a week and 12% said they are late at least twice a week.

And just what’s keeping Tammy Timeclock from promptly punching in?

Why, Amusing Excuse #2, of course!
“My husband thinks it’s funny to hide my car keys before he goes to work.”
::: So even if yours puts the Dick in Dickens, don’t use that one ladies– it’s TAKEN! :::

Now me? I like #4: “I got locked in my trunk by my son.”
Because any brat who can put a ‘rent in the box has earned his Bitchin’ Bastard badge in my view!

Oh, but I know, I know — the point is not to BE late … if you can help it … provided the Dunkin’ Donuts latte line isn’t too long …. and that morning-after hangover helper is working …

“To be on the safe side, try your best to be on time for work every day,” the job gurus advise. “Your boss, co-workers and reputation will thank you for it.”

GOTCHA!!

THANK YOU CNN AND CAREERBUILDER!!!!!

I feel more productive alrea … ooo someone brought cake!

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Entry filed under: blogging, comedy, community, culture, education, entertainment, fun, funny, Gossip, humor, journalism, life, media, News, odd, reporting, TV, unbelievable, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

The view from the cheap(est) seats Whatever gets you through …

3 Comments

  • 1. CNN tackles the tough stuff  |  April 7, 2009 at 6:06 pm

    […] Original post by lifeisacookie […]

  • 2. writechicpress  |  April 9, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    I mean it’s like my IQ skyrocketed into the triple digits after learning all this. Indeed, a big ol’ thanks to CNN.

  • 3. lifeisacookie  |  April 9, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    I think their new slogan should be CNN On Your Side (they could market the shit out of that!)


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