BAD Penny!

March 25, 2009 at 4:36 pm 2 comments


What is this?
Oneupsmanship Week?

First we witness master moron Renee Vanalsburg stright up clobber reigning douchebagette Genine Compton in our sacredly senseless Dumb Bitch category and now we find that some callous cow named Penelope Jordan is giving Robert M. Rozenti — the de facto Awful Offspring poster child — a serious run for his money!

<— Rozenti, you may remember, is the gross muddascunt who was arrested in January and charged with neglecting his 90-year-old mother, who was found emaciated, left in urine-soaked clothes and wearing shoes that had grown into her feet!!!

Jordan, on the other hand, is the putrid progeny who was discovered this week to have kept her mother’s mummified remains in their home for so long that the woman’s skin fused to the fucking mattress!!!!!!
::: yes, deserving of six exclamation points :::

The unholy bitch told police she never reported mummy’s death because she “couldn’t afford burial expenses” … and that shit might have even been the teensiest bit believable if she hadn’t also been cashing the not-so-dearly departed’s Social Security checks for years and years and years.

A complaint about nuisance cats tipped off authorities that something wasn’t right at the Jordan ‘stead. An animal control officer removing possibly feral felines there called police after finding the front door open with no one home.

But Penelope the prevaricator was there when the cops arrived and gave them some cock-and-bull canard about her mother’s whereabouts before extending the outrageously inane invitation to ‘come inside’.

They did.

And after wading through wall-to-wall debris, investigators found poor old and definitely dead 96-year-old Timmie Jordan — still in her nightgown — her skin fused to the mattress.

Penelope is charged with fraud and grand theft and is being held in lieu of $20,000 bail Tuesday at the Indian River County Jail.

You know, if there is any justice in the world, ya gotta hope ol’ Penny finds herself sharing a cell with some truly savage soul who has a predilection for pervy whores and likes long shanks in the shower.

Ya gotta, right?
Well, I do …

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Entry filed under: blogging, community, crime, culture, family, Gossip, health, journalism, law enforcement, life, media, neighborhood, News, odd, reporting, unbelievable, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

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2 Comments

  • 1. Noni  |  March 25, 2009 at 5:26 pm

    Aren’t both of those people in Florida … and near YOU, Cookie?
    What are you doing to these people?!?

  • 2. Ponchita  |  March 26, 2009 at 5:20 am

    there are some seriously warped minds out there, and if they are near you cookie….i say run cookie run!


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