Dumb Bitch of the Month

March 23, 2009 at 5:02 pm 3 comments

I feel cheated!

geninecomptonHere I’ve been, thinking Genine Compton was a pro!
She did have all the earmarks of one, after all!
Supreme sefishness!
Total disregard for others!!
Bad grammar and blind bitchitude!!! 

She had it all, didn’t she?
I thought Genine would go all the way to the Dumb Bitch Championships, but now that I’ve seen a real pro – a crackerjackin action, I’m thinking I should probably revoke even her Dumb Bitch of the Day honors.

I mean, all Genine summoned the stupidity to do was breast-feed her brat while talking on her cellphone … in the car … that she just happened to be driving at the time.

cokeymomLaughably losery and impressive by novice multi-tasking standards but totally bush league when you stack her shenanigans up against master moron Renee Vanalsburg — March’s Dumb Bitch of the Month and for sure DB Hall of Fame shoo in.

Because Renee doesn’t just put her tyke on the tit and go for a drive. Anyone can do that shit!

Renee lets her baby bond with mommy’s breastesses with a booze back and blow chaser!!

Police discovered the trilateral transgression when they responded to a domestic dispute call at a house where Lactose Incarcerant and her ‘better half’ were staying.

The po po rolled up on the scene to find the Florida Mother[fucker] of the Year candidate breastfeeding her baby while ‘clearly drunk and high’.
::: Because if you’re gonna go for it – GO BIG! ::: 

crackshirtThey did a little legal looky-loo and found a bottle of oxycodone and a tin with white powder in the baby’s crib before spying broken glass, ant killer, spray paint and knives scattered on floor of the baby’s room.

Knowing that Cartel Chic isn’t all the rage in nursery design, Johnny Law got to suspectin’ that Mommy Dreariest and baby daddy Marc Rush might not be such primo parents and arrested the duncetastic duo on child neglect charges.

Oh sure, sure — it all sounds pretty harsh right now and all, but you just KNOW the cherished family retelling of  ‘the time mommy’s boozified tatas got her busted’ is gonna be THE highlight at Junior’s sweet 16!

Yup – that’s gonna be soooooome party!


Entry filed under: blogging, community, culture, entertainment, family, Gossip, health, humor, journalism, law enforcement, life, media, neighborhood, News, odd, reporting, unbelievable, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

News you can use Saké to me!


  • 1. writechicpress  |  March 23, 2009 at 6:25 pm

    Cartel Chic. Best coined phrase of the day, Cookie.

    The poor baby. 😦

  • 2. Ponchita  |  March 23, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    I’m pretty sure she wins “Dumb Bitch of all time” award. Poor baby…hope there isn’t lasting damages to his/her brain cells, but doubtful.
    This is why I firmly believe people should have to pass some sort of test and acquire a license to reproduce.

  • 3. lifeisacookie  |  March 24, 2009 at 10:03 am

    Thanks Writechic! Webster’s is TOTALLY gonna come calling aaaaany day now – I just know it! 😉

    Let’s just hope those ‘tards do NOT ever get that baby back. I wish there could be imposed sterilization for people who do this crap. Ponchita — can’t we lobby for that?!?

Creative Commons License
Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.

%d bloggers like this: