Love Me (some legal) Tender
Because there really just aren’t enough quality opportunities to whore out the dead, Graceland decisionizers decided to open not one, Not Two, but THREE freshly-sequined Elvis exhibits for your viewing pleasure.
::: … something to do while you wait for the grand opening of Anna Nicole’s Pharmaceutical Phun House ..:::
Elvis in Hollywood, Elvis Lives: The King and Pop Culture and new exhibits in the Elvis Presley Automobile Museum all opened this week as part of the 70th Anniversary of the Shrine to Conspicuous Consumption.
“Elvis was and still is a star. He was so easy to work with and seeing this new exhibit with all of the movie memorabilia saved from his films is just amazing. From his scripts to his wardrobe, it’s all here,” blah blah’d some aging hag whose career of bit parts included some brief spanky times with The Pelvis in Blue Hawaii.
Visit Elvis in Hollywood to find out what only the deepest layer of the King’s innermost circle of confidants, advisors (and any buffoon who knows how to Google) know: The little-known account of how he was able to transition from singer to on-screen star *WOW* and how he took Hollywood, like, totally by storm to become its highest paid actor.
::: Graceland: Revealer of Secret but Obvious Mysteries and Puzzlements!! :::
Haul your Bermuda shorts over to Elvis Lives: The King and Pop Culture and learn all about the insidious ways he works his Ouija on the masses … from the beyoonnndddd.
::: GYRATIONALABULOUS! :::
Tour the Elvis Presley Automobile Museum and cast your beady eye on his Rolls Royce sedans and his 6-door Mercedes Benz limo — just don’t stare directly AT them, lest you be blinded by the parade of pomposity.
There really is no more appropriate use of your time – OR your dwindling disposable income – than to drool over a dead man’s former dominion.
Just be prepared to pay up, breadliners! You don’t get these sweet treats on the regular tour!
You’ll have to shell out for the $33 Platinum Tour adult ticket if you want in on this action! (Or the $29.70 Senior ticket) (Or the $29.70 Youth ticket) (Or the $29.70 Student ticket) (Or the $15 Childern 7-12 ticket).
::: Gas up the Gremlin or get a ticket to Graceland … CURSE YOU NEW GREAT DEPRESSION!!!! :::
So go ahead – tump over the couch, crack open little Logan’s piggy bank or pinch some pennies off granny’s monthly check – do whatever you have to do to get the hunka hunka cash you’ll need for the ongoing homage to the absurd that will forever be Elvis – the man, The Myth, THE LEGEND … the corpse who will make more money this year than you will in the next six …
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