Meghan McCain: Dating Martyr

March 3, 2009 at 4:39 pm 24 comments


Big Mac ruined EVERYTHING!

First he fucked up what could have been the absolute best ménage à troi in political history.
::: idiot! :::

Then his rabid race-baiting followers grossed voters out even more than his geezer locks and lemony Chiclets.
::: 5 words peepaw: Elizabeth Arden Red Door Spa :::

AND NOW his losery loserness has just wreaked utter havoc on daughter Meghan’s love life!
::: nice going, DAD!!! :::

“Of all the things people warned would happen post-election, no one ever said anything about how complicated dating would become,” the lonely ‘ho boo hooed in a blog post for The Daily Beast.
::: … someone needs John Edwards’ cell number – STAT … :::

“There are things that have been difficult, but nothing quite as tough as dating. I fear the election has destroyed my ability and desire to date.”
::: So you had to take one for the team … MAN UP!! ::: 

Miserable Megs also moaned about not going on a single date – NOT A SINGLE ONE! – during the whole and entire presidential campaign.
Bitch was just too busy to get bizzay.

But now that her dad’s put the old Straight Talk Express in park, Meghan’s ready to get her groove on!
Only she can’t.
‘Cuzza dad.

“Once I went out with a guy who said the food I had ordered was a “maverick choice” and proceeded to tell me, “Wow, straight talking must run in the family.”
::: Important Tip: eHarmony doesn’t screen out McCainiacs :::

Then there was that psycho fan of her mother, Cindy McCain, who recently told her she could be “his Cindy,” and asked if she ever wore pearls like her mother.

“Any guy that has a fetish for older women in pantsuits [Hillary] and large pearls [Barbara Bush] obviously only finds my last name attractive about me,” she wrote.
::: It really is your best feature, honey :::

“I am sure I am not being fair to all the men out there, but my recent experiences have left me scarred and wary of dating. At this point, my biggest aphrodisiac is an apathetic attitude toward politics.”

Meghan?
Allow me to introduce you to the perfect contestants for your dating game:
DMX … and Fiddy

Problem Solved.
Case Closed.
Now STFU and go gitcha swerve on, girl!

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Dumb Bitch of the Day Brewhaha

24 Comments

  • 1. writechicpress  |  March 3, 2009 at 7:03 pm

    She should just go hole up with Lindsay Lohan instead of holing up with her pc.

  • 2. lifeisacookie  |  March 3, 2009 at 9:33 pm

    LOVE that you bookended Lalohan with a double-hole reference.
    Well played.

  • 3. curious  |  March 3, 2009 at 10:31 pm

    first of all, we aren’t all racists. and second, you better leave them negro boys alone meghan. they will take all your money, get you hooked on crack and your babies will look like zebras.

  • 4. lifeisacookie  |  March 4, 2009 at 1:23 am

    First of all — I didn’t say all of his supporters, I said the rabid RACE-BAITING ones like we saw in West Virginia and so on.

    Don’t be so thin-skinned Big C!
    (But, umm, you shouldn’t use the word negro unless you want to be tagged with that moniker – just sayin’. Times HAVE changed and all. I mean, we don’t use JAP or Spic or Dego anymore either because, well, fuck – they’re HEINOUS and shit — just to be clear — we’ve progressed!! YAY GROWTH!!)

    But, frealz? Megs would LOVE DMX and Fiddy because they don’t give one CRAP about politics (Fiddy did — then he didn’t).

  • 5. curious  |  March 4, 2009 at 3:40 am

    maybe i should have said silverback instead of, as my grandma used to say, negra

  • 6. Ponchita  |  March 4, 2009 at 5:35 am

    I saw this article today and laughed. Oh poor little McCain heiress spawn to the damn Budweiser company, or Anheuser Busch. curl up with a cold one and drown your sorrows. The world is in an economic meltdown and your crying over your love life. One word…ok maybe three…get a B.O.B. and shut up. That was six.
    Now Meghan, can we move on to really pressing things like the crackpot in Florida who called 911 THREE times because her McDonald’s was out of McNuggets?! LOL
    And I don’t know what’s up with that pic of Cindy McCain – but those are some evil lookin eyes there.

  • 7. lifeisacookie  |  March 4, 2009 at 11:02 am

    Curious — leave it to you to turn a privileged bitch woe is me story into something yuckily racial. Soooo not where that was from, at or going …

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Ponchita — you are so right about her eyes, girl! I call her Cindy Lou Who with the dead eyes. CREEPY!!!!

  • 8. curious  |  March 4, 2009 at 12:28 pm

    it’s no more ridiculous than the article itself, or most of the articles posted here. you threw race into it when you called us ‘rabid race-baiting followers’. then you are offended when i make an equally offensive comment. i’m not burdened with white guilt and i definitely don’t have wealth envy as most here do.

  • 9. lifeisacookie  |  March 4, 2009 at 12:58 pm

    Oh geezy peezy — of course the article is ridiculous — as are
    all things at LIAC. That’s kind of like, umm, THE POINT and stuff.

    But seriously hon, if you want to lump yourself in with the retards who did – on camera – make those statements that are referenced in the link provided above — then that’s on you, man.

    You’re kind of making the argument all by yourself here on that point.

    But, hey, I’m not here to school you on anything and you know I have stood by my no-holds-barred commenting policy because I am a firm believer in the right to free speech – even when someone says something that makes me angry. But damnit all to hell and back if you don’t make me want to rethink that bitch with some of the shit you write.

    When it’s any issue other than race of politics your comments are very engaging.

    But when it comes to those two things – sometimes I think you’re being contrarian just to be contrarian, sometimes I think you’re trying to be funny and sometimes I think you are just trying defending your political party any old way you can … and that’s all fine and good, except that it comes off as unnecessarily OUTRAGEOUSLY offensive every fucking time.

    Seriously — we gotta go there every time?!?

  • 10. curious  |  March 4, 2009 at 2:01 pm

    like i said, YOU brought race into it. don’t get pissy if i respond. i couldn’t care less about miss mccain and would have never commented on it but you took your punch at mccain supporters. i can’t help it if you see everything left of left. i’m outta here

  • 11. lifeisacookie  |  March 4, 2009 at 2:33 pm

    Get your panties out of a snit there, Big C.

    It was YOUR party members who brought race into things when they began spouting off epithets left and right during the campaign and YOU continue to do that here (and, I’m guessing, anywhere else that doesn’t censor) with frightening regularity.

    But yes, I pointed it out.
    HORROR!!

    Make no mistake – if you choose to use words that have no other purpose than to incite upset, then take your fucking medicine.

    Derrogatory words — like the ones in the clip and the ones you have chosen to write here – used to describe people of any other ethniticity, gender or race are pejorative and are racist and I am hella sorry that you don’t see that.

    Go if you want.
    Stay if you like.

    The choice is all yours.

  • 12. BreakRoomLive  |  March 4, 2009 at 6:20 pm

    We deconstruct Meghan McCain’s dating problems:

  • 13. writechicpress  |  March 4, 2009 at 8:27 pm

    Awkward.

  • 14. lifeisacookie  |  March 4, 2009 at 8:31 pm

    which part?!?!?

  • 15. writechicpress  |  March 4, 2009 at 11:30 pm

    I bleeve it was the “I’m outta here” that should have been a “Gosh, I’m sorry.”

  • 16. girlofwords  |  March 5, 2009 at 2:54 am

    Man, I take a day off and I miss the domestic dispute. Jeeez. Epic fail on my part. Epic.

  • 17. lifeisacookie  |  March 5, 2009 at 10:43 am

    well, it’s not the first one — maybe the last? (doubtful 😉 )

  • 18. Type Writer  |  March 6, 2009 at 6:49 pm

    So you don’t believe that Curious has left the building, huh? 🙂 For what it’s worth, I personally am not offended by the term Negro, as I prefer it over the other word N-word curious could have used 🙂

    TW

  • 19. noni  |  March 6, 2009 at 6:57 pm

    Well I AM offended by that word and negra AND silverback!
    I admire you for being able to handle those words TW, I really do.
    I’m just not there yet.

  • 20. Type Writer  |  March 6, 2009 at 8:53 pm

    I should have been more specific, Noni: I’m okay with “Negro” but not “negra” (I think you have to be an old white southerner to think that term is okay 🙂 ) And silverback is just right out, because I’m pretty sure that’s a type of ape…

    Might I enquire into your ethnicity, Noni? I’m Jamaican, and I grew in a decidedly non-PC environment. There’s a Jamaican term “ol’ nayga” that we toss around without too much thought about what we’re saying, and in children’s games we always chanted the original version of “Eenie Meenie Moe”, i.e. the one where it wasn’t a tiger being caught by its toe 🙂

    Somehow it seemed all right down there, perhaps because so many people there (like myself) have mixed racial heritage. Personally, I think that the ultimate solution for racial unity is when the people in your area are too mixed to be able to discriminate against anybody…

    TW

  • 21. springdaddy  |  March 6, 2009 at 9:18 pm

    I just think the first picture of McCain is hillarious. He either just showed up at the nuddy camp, or he’s trying to show his daughter the proper dating techniques 😉 ….Duno, but it’s funny!

  • 22. noni  |  March 8, 2009 at 6:19 pm

    “Might I enquire into your ethnicity, Noni?”

    I am a black American woman. Born in Alabama to black parents and so on and so on.
    Don’t know of any mix – but we are more hazelnut than dark chocolate, so maybe I need to have a talk with my mother. 🙂

  • 23. Type Writer  |  March 10, 2009 at 1:58 am

    Maybe you do, Noni; after all, that milk didn’t get into the chocolate by itself 🙂 (I can say that because there’s a lot of milk in my chocolate)

    Are you one of the Cookie’s ‘Bama friends?

    TW

  • 24. noni  |  March 10, 2009 at 12:17 pm

    I’m one of her TKD friends, yes, from Alabama 🙂



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