A bum idea

February 27, 2009 at 6:31 pm 7 comments

I recycle.
I drive an energy-efficient automobile.
I use kitchen towels instead of paper ones.
I turn off the water while I soap up in the shower.
I unplug all appliances and most other things before I leave the house.

Every day I try to make choices that will lighten my personal carbon footprint – but, you know, I just have to draw the line at this shit!

Wallypop Cloth Toilet Wipes

Yessir! The wacky naturalists over at Wallypoo are promoting the application of the cloth-diaper concept to the very results-oriented adult butt.

s in peepee pads and shit sopper-uppers  that your ecological ass has to touch, store, tranport and ultimately *blech* clean — you know, so you can have that same stank fun all over again!
::: vomitus interruptus ::: 

According to their craptastic website:
“Using cloth wipes for urine-only visits to the bathroom is so simple it’s hardly worth mentioning.
Go, wipe, and then toss the wipe into whatever container you prefer.”
::: Nuh uh, sorry … I prefer the circular stream of water in the big porcelain bowl that makes it all go bye bye for, like EVER! :::

“Using cloth wipes for other toilet visits is not any more difficult, but there is a certain ick factor involved.”
::: YA THINK?!? :::

“Consider how much waste you’re willing to leave on your children’s diapers or wipes when you toss them in the pail.”
::: … willing … to … WHAT??? :::
” Use the same standards for yourself.”
::: Bwuhhh? :::
“Shake, scrape, swish, or squirt off anything you don’t want in your laundry, and then toss the wipe into the pail or container.”
::: Phffflick! Blickkk! ACK!!! :::

I won’t do it!!
I CAN’T!!!

I’d pick leaves! Newspaper! Even the hurtful half-ply sheets of generic brand sandpaper the dollar store sells before I’d willingly walk the caca colonnade.

Oh hell, I’m so grossed out picturing people packing up their poo that I just may never eat (or excrete) again!!

* Now that’s eco-friendly! *

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What’s in a name? Everything. Happy 52nd Birthday Jesus!


  • 1. writechicpress  |  February 27, 2009 at 8:25 pm

    Gosh, Cookie, why do hate the environment?

    (Incidentally, throwing that much poop into the mix of everyday life sounds like a big ol’ public health shit storm waitin’ to happen.)

    Shit Storm is my build-a-better-vocabulary word of the day.

  • 2. lifeisacookie  |  February 27, 2009 at 8:38 pm

    I can’t help it — that is NASTY! I mean, I am ALL FOR saving the planet but surely that doesn’t include saving mah poo, too?!?

    (*and I love ‘shit storm’ — it is rewarding just to say it!)

  • 3. this buddy of mine  |  February 27, 2009 at 8:44 pm

    imagine the first time you had a brain fart and used it as a handkerchief…ooooops

  • 4. lifeisacookie  |  February 27, 2009 at 9:10 pm

    would that make me a shitferbrainz?

  • 5. Ponchita  |  March 1, 2009 at 7:27 pm

    I’m speechless…just speechless. Screw the planet…I’m with you – I draw the line at this shit (no pun intended).
    I guess that crazy astronaut that drove all the way to Florida to stalk her b/f or the other woman wearing an adult diapey maybe knew something we didn’t?

  • 6. lifeisacookie  |  March 1, 2009 at 7:45 pm

    she might have, but that’s the kind of knowledge I don’t want!!

  • 7. HAHAHAHA … noooooo « Life Is A Cookie  |  March 5, 2009 at 11:09 am

    […] wonder if they’re actual bathrooms are Wallypop equipped … […]

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