Pearl of wisdom?
Forget Barbie and Bratz — those whores are soooo last decade.
There’s only one little toy person out there who can properly encapsulate the drek, the despair, the droning drudgery that is this New Great Depression: Poor Pitiful Pearl
From her saggy black stockings to her sizzlin’ sack cloth dress, Pearl just screams ‘Victim Of A Failed Economy’ without ever having to say a word!
Bitch is sraight-up talented like that, ‘kay?
She doesn’t care about your failed programs!
She’s not sweatin’ the stock market!!
Hell, she’s not even looking for a cut of my boyfriend’s massively audacious stimulus package of hope-infused sparkeliciousness!!!
Pearl doesn’t have time for that mess because she’s too busy cutting in line at the unemployment office [like me], dumpster diving for tomorrow’s breakfast [like me!], and rationing her anti-anxiety meds in the hope of making it just one more day [like m .. uhh, YOU!! ].
Pearl simply cannot spare one precious second on all the gloomy economic wah wah going around these days because being flat-broke and fabulous is a full-time gig!!
Look at that hot slut!! –>
She’s got the greatest deconstruction, nonconformist grip on this nouveau povertè where less is, well, all you get, beggars!
Bitch doesn’t even need shoes!
She is my idol … my new role model … my raison d’etre of indentured servitude to debt!
From here on out, I consult the Oracle of Pearl on EVERYTHING because it’s just so clear that every answer to every question ever asked of anyone in the entire history of the known universe can be ascertained just by surrendering to the hypnotic stare of her freaky static doll eyes!!!
I’m doing it nowwwwwwww — and it’s beeaaauuuutttiiiffuulllllllllll!!!!!!
Entry filed under: Barack Obama, blogging, comedy, community, culture, education, entertainment, family, fashion, fun, funny, Gossip, government, health, life, media, neighborhood, News, odd, photography, reporting, unbelievable, Uncategorized, vanity. Tags: Barbie, Bratz, doll, dolls, dumbass, economics, economy, failure, finance, hero, humor, idol, new Great Depression, News, people, plaything, Poor Pitiful Pearl doll, poverty, random, role model, sarcasm, satire, silly, stimulus, strange, stupid, thoughts, toy, weird, wit, worship.