Pearl of wisdom?

February 24, 2009 at 5:20 pm 19 comments

Forget Barbie and Bratz — those whores are soooo last decade.

pearl1There’s only one little toy person out there who can properly encapsulate the drek, the despair, the droning drudgery that is this New Great Depression: Poor Pitiful Pearl

From her saggy black stockings to her sizzlin’ sack cloth dress, Pearl just screams ‘Victim Of A Failed Economy’ without ever having to say a word!

Bitch is sraight-up talented like that, ‘kay?

She doesn’t care about your failed programs!
She’s not sweatin’ the stock market!!
Hell, she’s not even looking for a cut of my boyfriend’s massively audacious stimulus package of hope-infused sparkeliciousness!!!

Pearl doesn’t have time for that mess because she’s too busy cutting in line at the unemployment office [like me], dumpster diving for tomorrow’s breakfast [like me!], and rationing her anti-anxiety meds in the hope of making it just one more day  [like m .. uhh, YOU!! ].

pearlPearl simply cannot spare one precious second on all the gloomy economic wah wah going around these days because being flat-broke and fabulous is a full-time gig!! 

Look at that hot slut!! –>
She’s got the greatest deconstruction, nonconformist grip on this nouveau povertè where less is, well, all you get, beggars!

Bitch doesn’t even need shoes!
She is my idol … my new role model … my raison d’etre of indentured servitude to debt!

From here on out, I consult the Oracle of Pearl on EVERYTHING because it’s just so clear that every answer to every question ever asked of anyone in the entire history of the known universe can be ascertained just by surrendering to the hypnotic stare of her freaky static doll eyes!!!

Go ahead!
try it!

I’m doing it nowwwwwwww — and it’s beeaaauuuutttiiiffuulllllllllll!!!!!!

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Darned SHOOTIN’! You see it


  • 1. curious  |  February 24, 2009 at 5:28 pm

    they look like little monkeys to me. maybe they willl grow up one day and eat someone… or become a new york post cartoon… or write a stimulus bill

  • 2. lifeisacookie  |  February 24, 2009 at 5:31 pm

    Do NOT hate on Pearl! (or my boyfriend!).
    She’s got a shank under that smock, you know! Pearl will flat out cut a bitch for hatin’ on her!

  • 3. springdaddy  |  February 24, 2009 at 5:41 pm

    Are her boobs real? I always was a sucker for a chick in sack dress with real boobs, sun light glistening from behind……roooooar! Me no depressed no more 🙂

  • 4. curious  |  February 24, 2009 at 5:54 pm

    did i mention odrama? nooo

  • 5. curious  |  February 24, 2009 at 5:56 pm

    hey cookie, i thought you would get a kick out of the eddie murphy clip. that was the first thing i thought of. i need to rent that movie too 🙂

  • 6. writechicpress  |  February 24, 2009 at 6:08 pm


    curious, i think that was preemptive reaming you took there. 😉

    Cookie…it’s the little match girl’s eyes that are freaking me out.

  • 7. lifeisacookie  |  February 24, 2009 at 6:26 pm

    the power is IN their freakiness!!!!

  • 8. curious  |  February 24, 2009 at 6:29 pm

    lol no, cookie was already defending her bf

  • 9. writechicpress  |  February 24, 2009 at 7:22 pm

    I’m breaking up with Senator Leahy and going back to Harry Connick, Jr. I forgot how much I love him.

  • 10. lifeisacookie  |  February 24, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    Have ’em both, girl!

  • 11. writechicpress  |  February 24, 2009 at 7:52 pm

    Can I have more than two?

  • 12. lifeisacookie  |  February 24, 2009 at 9:35 pm

    A girl really should 😉

  • 13. curious  |  February 24, 2009 at 9:45 pm

    i can’t help but feel like i’m back living in gentilly trailer park again. nothing like the neighborhood skanks sleeping with everybody on the block. my door was always open 🙂

  • 14. lifeisacookie  |  February 24, 2009 at 10:07 pm

    ain’t no party like a skank ho party cuz a skank ho party don’t stop!

    *or so I’ve heard …

  • 15. writechicpress  |  February 24, 2009 at 11:02 pm

    Gentilly, NOLA?

  • 16. curious  |  February 24, 2009 at 11:54 pm

    it’s in chicken town, a suburb of loachapoka, al

  • 17. Movietrailers9  |  February 25, 2009 at 8:30 pm

    Check Out My Movie Trailers on Youtube!

  • 18. Ponchita  |  February 26, 2009 at 8:41 pm

    That little demon doll looks pure evil! call chucky – he wants his bride back. no, seriously. she looks like she is one food stamp away from going all “children of the corn” on us.

  • 19. noni  |  February 26, 2009 at 8:54 pm

    Yeah, cookie — I have to side with Ponchita and the crew on this one. Pearl is heinous!

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