That’s the spirit!
Mexico has a soccer team!
::: ooooooo :::
And so does the U.S.!!
::: ahhhh :::
And the teams are getting ready to do all sorts of high-level adversarial teamish soccery things tomorrow in the FIFA Cup World Qualifier being held in Columbus, Ohio!!!
::: uh huh :::
And do you know what else?!?
The only reason I can scrape together an ounce of giveashit about this crap is because the Pro Bowl is over, meaning no REAL football to be had for several sad, Sad, OHMYGODTHISISSOSAD months!
::: frealz, y’all – serious frowny face :::
Aaaaanyslownewsdaysothisiswhatyouget, when it comes to beating Americans in America, Mexico has apparently been about as successful as Amy Winehouse with sobriety … and showering … and sophisti — well, you get the picture.
Those bitches haven’t won a match on U.S. soil since the last time Cher had a No. 1 hit!
Soooo, in an effort to give their team a little boost heading into the big game, Mexico’s ‘Record’ newspaper tried to team up with US-based RadioShack for a feel-good campaign.
The promotion called for fans to send flowers, messages of inspiration and truckloads of positive thoughts to the Team Mexico and then pray and hope for the best.
The idea was for Mexican soccer supporters to trade in coupons for their very own U.S. soccer player voodoo dolls so they could release their inner Dick Cheney and get their Guantanamo on!
::: … little pricks … :::
“… without any doubt, this little doll can help the good vibes of the Mexican fans to change the history of Mexico and turn things around,” said newspaper spokesman Daniel Paz.
‘Cept when RadioShack heard ‘voodoo’ they also heard ‘potential boycott’ and brought a big ‘hell naw’ on the ol’ hocus-pocus, evil-eye juju.
Where there’s a Blockbuster, there’s a way!!
::: … a way, that is, to make a little coin while poking all innocent-good-natured-we-don’t-mean -anything-by-it-hey-no-offense -it-wasn’t-our-idea-anyway fun at the team representing your country in a sport you may not care about but they’re still repping your roots … a-holes … :::
Anyone in possession of the paper’s coupons can trot themselves down to a Mexican Blockbuster store and get themselves an authentic U.S.-company sponsored U.S. Soccer Team voodoo doll, which comes complete with a jersey featuring the oh-so amusing and only slightly pejorative term ‘Gringos’ on the back as well as instructions directing fans to “hold a needle firmly between your thmb and index finger and prick slowly the part of the doll where you want to affect the opponent”.
TAKE YOUR DOLL AND HOLD HIM HIGH.
AND PUSH THAT PIN RIGHT THROUGH HIS THIGH!
TEAM MEXICO WANTS VICTORY.
BY TABOO, TRICKS OR WIZARDRY!!
Entry filed under: blogging, comedy, community, culture, entertainment, fun, Gossip, humor, life, media, odd, reporting, Sports, unbelievable, Uncategorized. Tags: America, athletes, black magic, Blockbuster video, dumbass, FIFA, magic, Mexico, News, Ohio, people, RadioShack, random, silly, soccer, strange, stupid, SUA, thoughts, voodoo, voodoo doll, world cup.