That’s the spirit!

February 10, 2009 at 6:24 pm 14 comments


Hey!
Guess what!?!

Mexico has a soccer team!
::: ooooooo :::

And so does the U.S.!! 
::: ahhhh :::

And the teams are getting ready to do all sorts of high-level adversarial teamish soccery things tomorrow in the FIFA Cup World Qualifier being held in Columbus, Ohio!!!
::: uh huh :::

And do you know what else?!?
The only reason I can scrape together an ounce of giveashit about this crap is because the Pro Bowl is over, meaning no REAL football to be had for several sad, Sad, OHMYGODTHISISSOSAD months!
::: frealz, y’all – serious frowny face :::

Aaaaanyslownewsdaysothisiswhatyouget, when it comes to beating Americans in America, Mexico has apparently been about as successful as Amy Winehouse with sobriety … and showering … and sophisti — well, you get the picture.

Those bitches haven’t won a match on U.S. soil since the last time Cher had a No. 1 hit!

Soooo, in an effort to give their team a little boost heading into the big game, Mexico’s ‘Record’ newspaper tried to team up with US-based RadioShack for a feel-good campaign.

The promotion called for fans to send flowers, messages of inspiration and truckloads of positive thoughts to the Team Mexico and then pray and hope for the best.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Just kidding!

The idea was for Mexican soccer supporters to trade in coupons for their very own U.S. soccer player voodoo dolls so they could  release their inner Dick Cheney and get their Guantanamo on!
::: … little pricks … :::

“… without any doubt, this little doll can help the good vibes of the Mexican fans to change the history of Mexico and turn things around,” said newspaper spokesman Daniel Paz.

‘Cept when RadioShack heard ‘voodoo’ they also heard ‘potential boycott’ and brought a big ‘hell naw’ on the ol’ hocus-pocus, evil-eye juju.

Promotion FAIL?
HELL NAW!

Where there’s a Blockbuster, there’s a way!!
::: … a way, that is,  to make a little coin while poking all innocent-good-natured-we-don’t-mean -anything-by-it-hey-no-offense -it-wasn’t-our-idea-anyway fun at the team representing your country in a sport you may not care about but they’re still repping your roots … a-holes … :::

Anyone in possession of the paper’s coupons can trot themselves down to a Mexican Blockbuster store and get themselves an authentic U.S.-company sponsored U.S. Soccer Team voodoo doll, which comes complete with a jersey featuring the oh-so amusing and only slightly pejorative term ‘Gringos’ on the back as well as instructions directing fans to “hold a needle firmly between your thmb and index finger and prick slowly the part of the doll where you want to affect the opponent”. 

TAKE YOUR DOLL AND HOLD HIM HIGH.
AND PUSH THAT PIN RIGHT THROUGH HIS THIGH!

TEAM MEXICO WANTS VICTORY.
BY TABOO, TRICKS OR WIZARDRY!!

Go Team?

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Geena Gold Star isn’t gonna like this! Pontificatin’ & Plannifyin’

14 Comments

  • 1. writechicpress  |  February 10, 2009 at 6:34 pm

    Totally thought you were gonna say “through his eye.” I guess that’s better than crucifixion dolls? Dia de los Muertos, Chica.

  • 2. noni  |  February 10, 2009 at 6:40 pm

    There were no national companies (Mexican national) who wanted to support their team with this deal?

    Would this be considered In-sourcing?

  • 3. lifeisacookie  |  February 10, 2009 at 6:42 pm

    OH man! Through his eye would have been so much better!!!

  • 4. this buddy of mine  |  February 10, 2009 at 7:22 pm

    what is this “soccer” you speak of? Is it a ritualistic gay dance performed by bone smoking heathens on the west coast?

  • 5. lifeisacookie  |  February 10, 2009 at 7:26 pm

    so you’ve seen it then!

  • 6. springdaddy  |  February 10, 2009 at 8:54 pm

    I’ve heard of Soccer Hooligans. Is that some type of gang thing??? You mean we have a better gang than the Mexicans do?? Naw……

  • 7. lifeisacookie  |  February 10, 2009 at 9:04 pm

    Whaaaat? You don’t think we have ‘dissolvers’ too?
    http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-fg-missing9-2009feb09,0,2537684.story

  • 8. springdaddy  |  February 10, 2009 at 9:16 pm

    Holy shit!!! Meza is a hardcore hooligan. And a sick bastard to boot!!

  • 9. lifeisacookie  |  February 10, 2009 at 10:12 pm

    talk about your bad acid trips …

  • 10. Type Writer  |  February 11, 2009 at 7:08 pm

    So much hatred for the world’s most popular sport… And what’s this crap about “real” football? How can it be called “football” if the players hardly use their feet? Besides, *American* football is a 3rd-generation hand-me-down, given that it was derived from rugby, which was derived from… wait for it… soccer, the only real football there is

    TW
    (who’s now American but not so American that he could turn his back on soccer)

    p.s. Cookie, at least admit that part of this is playa-hating, since the U.S. tends not to do well in international soccer… at least not on the men’s side of the sport…

  • 11. lifeisacookie  |  February 11, 2009 at 7:13 pm

    TW — do NOT make me come over there and kick your cutie patootie!!

    “And what’s this crap about “real” football? How can it be called “football” if the players hardly use their feet?”
    Umm — it’s called RUNNING (and cutting and juking) …

    It’s the most beautiful thing EVER!!!!!

  • 12. curious  |  February 11, 2009 at 9:21 pm

    we get our weakest and least manly players from the soccer world. they are called kickers. they are scrappy guys but not real men.

    i would still put merlin olsen, dick butkus, jack youngblood, jerry kramer, deacon jones, jim brown, jack tatum, earl campbell and the list goes on of senior citizen NFLers against any bleach blonde soccer fag in a street fight today.

    america may not be the best in soccer or many other sports that don’t matter, but we are the best at everything else that does matter. god bless the usa!

    hey tw, have you been mashing on that guitar lately? you need to post some youtube links if you have any.

  • 13. Type Writer  |  February 25, 2009 at 5:41 am

    Only Americans think soccer’s not a manly sport. For one thing, soccer players wear a lot less protection than American football players, yet there’s plenty of opportunities to get messed up in a soccer match. Put another way, the stretcher gets used in soccer a lot more often than in an American football game…

    >hey tw, have you been mashing on that guitar lately? you >need to post some youtube links if you have any.

    I’ve been working on promoting and putting on a Songwriters Night in Lake Worth… While I don’t think I’ll be on Youtube anytime soon, I have been doing some home recording, which I plan to stream on a MySpace page, so I’ll keep folks posted when that’s going…

    TW

  • 14. curious  |  February 25, 2009 at 1:17 pm

    look forward to hearing them tw. keep us posted

    now for soccer. the stretcher may not get used as much because football players are tougher and when the stretcher comes out, it’s a real injury. i know people who are paralyzed and one who died from a broken neck. i guess soccer is like flag tag or powder puff football. football is not a contact sport, it’s an impact sport.



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