Cold hands, hot … TODDY!

February 5, 2009 at 3:33 pm 7 comments

Last night was the greatest night in the history of all great nights ever to have transpired on the entire planet Earth!!!

While everyone was busy running around issuing the geezer and plant warnings mandatory for a full-on, all-out Freeze Alert panic yesterday, I was planning the most spectacular personal party of my whole entire existence!

Snuggle-Fest 2009!

It would be stupendously glorious!


There would be S’mores and booze and fondue and liquor and champorado and hooch and I had the perfect thing to go with it all because I remembered the exact location of the seldom-opened box containing one of my most treasured possessions of all: My pink-and-green polka-dotted Jumpin Jammerz.

I couldn’t wait!!!

I buzzed through my ‘crap ya gotta do before chilltime’ list at lightning speed!!!
Gettothegymandgrabatreadmillandrunrunrun followed by a little pickupsushifordinneronthewaytothestoreforsomehappyjuice action and then the night would be wiiine mine!!!
** If you’re in Florida and you never, ever, Ever, EVER get any, which is in no way to say I don’t feel you dawgs who freeze your noogies off every winter because you live in places where they have those wacky things called ‘seasons’ **

Too bad no one else appeared to be gettin’ their Winter WooHoo on.
Everywhere I went it seemed folks had just lost their gat dam minds over the fact that we were forecast to have *GASP* near-to-below freezing temperatures across Florida.

TV sprayheads, radio voicejocks, newspaper editors, emergency management personnel, friends, family, neighbors, the hot piece running next to me at the gym, everyone at Sushi Yami … hell, even the dude who carded me at the Publix liquor store … they were all freaking the frigid fuck OUT!

Iran’s nukiness, O’Beautiful’s busted nominees, Madoff’s misappropriations and that squorky little thing I like to call the New Great Depression just weren’t worth even a ticker feed of mention because it was briefly going to be *SHOCK* too cold to wear shorts and flip-flops!!!!!

“This is a disaster! I don’t even have a coat!”
“We have to got to Home Depot and get a kit to wrap the pipes or they’ll all bust!!!”
“We have got to bring in ALL of the plants!! They’ll freeze and DIE!!!”


Talk about your missed opportunities!

While they were all wrapped up in a frenzy of hypothermia hysterics, I was makin’ hot toddies and getting my cozy, toasty pajama party on with Mr. Cookie!

Ain’t no party like a cold weather party ‘cuz a cold weather party don’t stop!

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Come to mommy … Godspeed Kiki … Godspeed


  • 1. springdaddy  |  February 5, 2009 at 3:44 pm

    Yeah baby! Get that pink and green polka-dotted Jumpin Jammerz groove on!!!! But tell me you slid the flip flops on for style points???
    The others who don’t comprende, can freak their fugnuts off.

  • 2. this buddy of mine  |  February 5, 2009 at 4:10 pm

    did you walk around with it unzipped to your navel, you horny internet goddess?

  • 3. lifeisacookie  |  February 5, 2009 at 4:23 pm

    I didn’t do that, but oooo I should have!
    I did do the Tom Cruise Risky Business slide thruogh the house a few times though 😉

  • 4. lifeisacookie  |  February 5, 2009 at 5:18 pm

    umm – to clarify — I didn’t do Springdaddy’s sandal suggestion 😉

    No comment on Buddy’s

  • 5. Chris  |  February 5, 2009 at 6:38 pm

    No “How cold is it?” jokes??? Boo

    I’m a dawg who’s freezin her noogies off and I am totally jealous of your almost-below-freezing temps. BTW, I thought that said noogles, not noogies. I was all set to add a new word to the Cookie Sez book.

    The difference between your cold and mine is that while you’re sittin there lookin all sorts of Adrienne Cannonball Run Barbeau-tiful, I’ve got this Captain Chaos thing goin on.

  • 6. lifeisacookie  |  February 5, 2009 at 6:49 pm

    Chris!! You are too funny, girlene!!!

    I do feel for you guys though — Illinois, Michigan — hell, KENTUCKY!!! Basically everyone has it worse off than us – and I know it — I can’t help myself though. I am flat out giddy with excitement over this weather! I get clothing choices I NEVER get to make and I have the best hair days when it’s like this!

    (I am jealous you get snow though … I haven’t seen snow in a dog’s age!!)

  • 7. Chris  |  February 5, 2009 at 8:00 pm

    Go stick yer head in the freezer…………. I mean… so you can like, get the full effect. REALLY! That’s what I meant!!! (and follow it up with your head in the oven) What?!?!? Why are you looking at me like that? Was that out loud??

    You know the worst thing about the clothing choices you were talking about?? It’s when you get all bundled up like Ralphie’s little brother and then…. it never fails…. you gotta pee.

    LOL – I’m sittin here mousing over the links in that last comment of mine going “Cookie….. Chris….. Cookie….. Chris…..” Yer haawt LOL

This is the shit you bitches are reading

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