Cold hands, hot … TODDY!
Last night was the greatest night in the history of all great nights ever to have transpired on the entire planet Earth!!!
While everyone was busy running around issuing the geezer and plant warnings mandatory for a full-on, all-out Freeze Alert panic yesterday, I was planning the most spectacular personal party of my whole entire existence!
It would be stupendously glorious!
There would be S’mores and booze and fondue and liquor and champorado and hooch and I had the perfect thing to go with it all because I remembered the exact location of the seldom-opened box containing one of my most treasured possessions of all: My pink-and-green polka-dotted Jumpin Jammerz.
I couldn’t wait!!!
I buzzed through my ‘crap ya gotta do before chilltime’ list at lightning speed!!!
Gettothegymandgrabatreadmillandrunrunrun followed by a little pickupsushifordinneronthewaytothestoreforsomehappyjuice action and then the night would be wiiine mine!!!
::: COLD WEATHER IS THE BOMB DIGGETY!!!!! :::
** If you’re in Florida and you never, ever, Ever, EVER get any, which is in no way to say I don’t feel you dawgs who freeze your noogies off every winter because you live in places where they have those wacky things called ‘seasons’ **
Too bad no one else appeared to be gettin’ their Winter WooHoo on.
Everywhere I went it seemed folks had just lost their gat dam minds over the fact that we were forecast to have *GASP* near-to-below freezing temperatures across Florida.
::: WHINY BABY POOPOO BUTTS!!!! :::
TV sprayheads, radio voicejocks, newspaper editors, emergency management personnel, friends, family, neighbors, the hot piece running next to me at the gym, everyone at Sushi Yami … hell, even the dude who carded me at the Publix liquor store … they were all freaking the frigid fuck OUT!
Iran’s nukiness, O’Beautiful’s busted nominees, Madoff’s misappropriations and that squorky little thing I like to call the New Great Depression just weren’t worth even a ticker feed of mention because it was briefly going to be *SHOCK* too cold to wear shorts and flip-flops!!!!!
“This is a disaster! I don’t even have a coat!”
“We have to got to Home Depot and get a kit to wrap the pipes or they’ll all bust!!!”
“We have got to bring in ALL of the plants!! They’ll freeze and DIE!!!”
Talk about your missed opportunities!
While they were all wrapped up in a frenzy of hypothermia hysterics, I was makin’ hot toddies and getting my cozy, toasty pajama party on with Mr. Cookie!
Ain’t no party like a cold weather party ‘cuz a cold weather party don’t stop!
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