Better set your TiVo!

February 3, 2009 at 4:25 pm 4 comments


What kind of idiotic lunatic marketing fuckery is this?

CBS Picks Up Arranged-Marriage Reality Series

Ugh – really?
Apparently so.

Not content with just airing soft porn for the kiddies or blatantly exploiting the hell out of ’em, CBS is set to air a show that  introduces four loser wannabe realitards adults – ranging in age from 25 to 45 – who are anxious to be famous for whoring themselves out on national teevee get married but have been unsuccessful … so far.
And the worst best part? It’s their soon to be former friends and family who get to pick the old ball and chain!

What could go wrong?!?
But then, that’s the point of this kind of pathetic ‘programming’, isn’t it?

I’m guessing this one’s gonna be your typical mix-n-match crowd of social misfits thrown together for the sheer hilarity of their pathetic losery non-compatibility.

— Camera cuts to Elbert in the ‘Confession Room’ —
‘I no’d it wuddn’t gonnuh werk wi’ Carol wen she woewer hah heelz en tuk hur breef kase tuh thuh hay rahd.’
— A downcast Elbert shakes his head. Camera cuts to Carol furiously brushing hay from her Vivienne Tam tailored tweed —

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
What a sidesplitter!!!

Know what I’m thinking???
WHY STOP THERE!?!

Fox should come out with a ‘Baptism Battle’ – where only the most conniving, backstabbing tot in the lot earns the right to be saved by Jesus.

And ABC should do ‘American Incest’ – where horrifically fucked up families compete each week for the title of ‘Most Dysfunctional’.
Oh hell, I’d tune in just for the ‘Daddy Put His Hand Where?’ elimination challenge!

And let’s not forget NBC! Those cats should jump aboard the sinking ship that is network television with ‘Fertility Factor’ – where teenage girls try to outslut each other in the race to impregnation and eventual ‘Live This Sunday – Baby Daddy Paternity Test’!!!!

Now that’s quality teevee the whole family can enjoy!

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He needs me! Is there nothing it can’t do?!?

4 Comments

  • 1. this buddy of mine  |  February 3, 2009 at 5:36 pm

    I’ve been trying to pitch 2 shows for years:

    Herpes Island: You put a bunch of man whores and sluts on an island. One or two of them has a raging STD. The last person to get infected wins a million dollars.

    Death Row Idol: Take 12 people on death row, and each week America votes 1 to the electric chair. The winner wins a pardon. As all of these shows have a twist, the glitch here is that there is no pardon, and you don’t tell the winner this fact and fry him anyway.

    Neither has gained acceptance yet.

  • 2. lifeisacookie  |  February 3, 2009 at 5:45 pm

    Considering the American public’s appetite for garbage I am mystified as to why your ideas wouldn’t be wholly embraced!

    If Herpes Island does take off though — keep Fertility Factor in mind for a spinoff …

  • 3. Chris  |  February 3, 2009 at 10:35 pm

    I would actually watch any of these shows that the 2 of you are talking about. Is that sad or whut?? It kinda reminds me of the shows that George Carlin talked about in one of his stand-up routines.

  • 4. lifeisacookie  |  February 3, 2009 at 10:52 pm

    I think Fertility Factor is already in play — we just call it ‘High School’ …



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