Grifa grief

February 1, 2009 at 7:00 pm 5 comments

Get ready for Michael Phelps’ ‘Splishyboy Apology World Tour of Anguish’!!!

phelps_516_0102_25518aAqualung was caught tokin’ the tube during two days of way hard partying last November with some gold diggers students at the University of South Carolina in Columbia.

I guess he thought it was all good since November is typically “a quiet time in the swimming calendar when athletes would not expect to get tested for drugs.

Well  not so fast, Flipper!
One of those ho’s had a camera and snapped you doing some seriously non-role modely shit.
::: Dude — Celebrity Drug Addict’s Rule #1: Pat ’em down before you bed ’em down … ::: 

I bet his peen was so embarrassed that it called in sick and crawled all the way back inside his body cavity because once his spokesbitch hit him with the knowledge that News Of The World had the photo — faster than you can say ‘Duuuuuude … hehe … wai … whaaaaaat???’ – Bongboy admitted to the ‘regrettable behavior’.

In a statement released to The Associated Press, The Ocho said:
“I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment. I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”

Aww c’mon dude — it’s not like you were doing snowcaps or crazy eddies … riiight?

Don’t worry – I’m sure those endorsements, book deal and mommy’s Chico’s contract will all be juuuust fine.

I mean, it’s not like you’re some lowly working-class fucking commoner – the kind who’d be 45 kinds of deep-shit busted for doing that kind of illegal-type crap with, you know, peeps who are, like, underage and all!

Could you just imagine the totally chaotified pandefuckinmonium that would happen if we held celebritards to those ‘real world’ standards and consequence-type things?!?!?

Noooo – of course you can’t …


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Adding up the WHAT?!? It’s official …


  • 1. beeyatch  |  February 1, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    What an idiot!
    If I were a psychologist I’d say he had a god complex

  • 2. curious  |  February 2, 2009 at 3:17 am

    are you sure he inhaled? looks like our last and current president liked the smell of cocaine.

    want more tax revenue? legalize the stuff and put this issue aside. i remember when i smoked i just wanted to pig out and watch tv and posed no harm to anyone else. when i drank, i wanted to get out and ride around and was a threat to everyone on the highway.

  • 3. lifeisacookie  |  February 3, 2009 at 4:28 pm

    Well butter my buns and call me toasted!

    (6th graph is nut, IMHO)

  • 4. springdaddy  |  February 3, 2009 at 4:42 pm

    Will that be regular butter?? Or I can’t believes it’s not butter, butter ;-)????

    Too funny…..Mr. Lott is puttin the smack down 5-0 style!!

    What the hell is this anyway??
    “Forgiveness of Phelps could be attributed to how he handled both situations — admitting up front he did it and apologizing, said Matt Brown, associate professor for sport and entertainment management at the University of South Carolina.”

    What does a sport and entertainment professor do that the common american doesn’t??

  • 5. lifeisacookie  |  February 3, 2009 at 4:50 pm

    A very good question!
    And, from a purely personal standpoint — I am so disappointed in the up-front confession. It just underscores how new to this whole celebrity thing Phelps is.
    He doesn’t even know it’s DENY DENY DENY for at least three weeks to pump your TV appearances while someone flashwrites your ‘memoirs’ so you can dovetail the entire thing together for maximum exposure … and by exposure I mean PROFIT!

    Well — at least we can always look forward to his NEXT DUI … he ought to know how to handle these things by then …

    Oh — and I like the Land O’ Lakes unsalted … it just feels better 😉

This is the shit you bitches are reading

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