Does this reader poll make me look gay?

January 21, 2009 at 4:46 pm 13 comments

America’s new president?
That’s SOOO yesterday!

Collapsing world markets?
Isn’t that something  for other people to worry about?!?

Iran supplying weapons to Hamas?
Pffshh – Whaaatevuh!

Glamour magazine can’t be wasting time worrying over your ‘current events’ and crap — not when there are majorly serious interrelationary hookup-type scenarios yet to be fully exploited explored!!!

They assembled their collective braincell to tackle one such majorly serious interrelationary hookup-type scenario in their upcoming issue with … A READER POLL!!!
::: Yippeee — SCIENTIFICAL ‘data’ and shit!!! :::

Glamour magazine asked the 5 dudes who read Glamour magazine if they’d be willing to bump fuglies with Brad Pitt if it meant a sexy times green light with Angelina Jolie.
::: OMG! OMG! –  did they say they’re on board?? Is this a real possibility??? I AM TOTALLY ‘DOWN’ WITH THIS IDEA!!!!! …

81 percent of the liars readers who took part in the survey were all ‘I go Larry Craig for NO man!’ while the remaining 19 percent were all ‘Hell to the YEAH — just let me get the AstroGlide!’

So, basically, 1 out of every 5 penises polled would give Pitt a poke if it lead to some holey Jolie moments.
1 in 5 …

The other four of you are a bunch of  delusional lying liars telling untruths!
Seriously — WHO – besides yourselves – are you trying to fool here?

Anyone who denies they’d do anything less than sell their own children into Kathy Lee Gifford sweatshop slavery to bed that bitch is flat out a lying sack of useless desexed empty genetalia and I am calling you OUT!

This is Angelina Jolie we’re talking about, people!

She of the Magic Womb!
Mrs. Perfect Portions!!
The UN Ambassador of H-O-T!!!

Get REAL!!!
You have no choice but to surrender to her preeminently superlative sexual powers!

I mean, even that hot piece of manmeat I call Mr. Cookie knows he’d be 20 kinds of back on the market  if I even thought for the most micro of nanoseconds that there was a butterfly’s chance of making it through a high speed boxfan that Miss Purty Pout would give me the 1-2-3!

I know being down with some peen-on-peen isn’t everyone’s cup of tea — and that’s cool and all … but – in this case – I think we all need to step it back, chill it out, take some cleansing breaths and remember that God doesn’t like liars!
And you don’t want to piss off God, do you?!?!?

Noooo – of course you don’t.
So just admit you’d go gay to get some St. Ange strange.

It’s what God would want.



Entry filed under: actors, Barack Obama, blogging, celebrity, comedy, community, culture, education, entertainment, funny, Gossip, humor, journalism, life, media, neighborhood, News, odd, reporting, supermodel, unbelievable, Uncategorized, vanity. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

Inahhhhhhhhguration It’s cute when they get a clue …


  • 1. writechicpress  |  January 21, 2009 at 6:49 pm

    Ang needs to get the hell out of bed and hire a painter.

  • 2. lifeisacookie  |  January 21, 2009 at 7:10 pm

    hehe — how can you even SEE the wall of peeling paint behind all that radiant glory?!?!?

    What super powers do you have Writechic?????

  • 3. Chris  |  January 22, 2009 at 6:05 am

    LMAO – Mr Imp said “No… she’s ugly anymore” LOL – But… I saw the twinkle in his eye. It was either that, or a tear because he knew he’d never have the chance.

    They say that if you do it *giggles* with someone, you’re actually screwing everyone they’ve ever bumped uglies with. Do ya think those 81% said no cuz images of ol’ Billy Bob popped in their heads?

    “The Bible says two men ought not lay together. But I don’t reckon the Good Lord would send anybody like you to Hades. Mmm I like them French fried potaters. Reckon you make me some biscuits. Mmm “

  • 4. lifeisacookie  |  January 22, 2009 at 11:24 am

    You invoke the name of Billy Bob?!?!? AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

  • 5. writechicpress  |  January 22, 2009 at 3:51 pm

    My super powers are a matter of national security. But that’s neither here nor there.

    Where’s today’s post, slacker? I cannot abide a cookieless Thursday.

    Spit spot! Hop to it! Get on the stick.

  • 6. this buddy of mine  |  January 22, 2009 at 4:33 pm

    I must be the only dude on the planet who is not into Anvagina Jolie…I would never have downgraded from Jennifer Aniston

  • 7. lifeisacookie  |  January 22, 2009 at 7:01 pm

    I just posted – I’m sorry, I’m slacking today — blame … umm, blamm …. damn, who can I ..


  • 8. lifeisacookie  |  January 22, 2009 at 7:02 pm

    Buddy — are you sure you’re really a dude? We may need to do a shorts check …

  • 9. Chris  |  January 22, 2009 at 10:06 pm

    All female here, but I think I agree with Buddy.

  • 10. steadycat  |  January 23, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    Even I would ahem….gear up my manliness and do Brad, if it meant Madame Jolie was waiting for me. We should all just do em.

  • 11. lifeisacookie  |  January 23, 2009 at 1:28 pm

    Steadycat gets a gozillion + infinity honesty points!

  • 12. springdaddy  |  January 23, 2009 at 2:28 pm

    How’s this for honesty cookie? Celebs don’t float my boat one bit. There are sooooo many beautiful and vibrant women I cross paths with each day that I would consider sword fighting their spouses to get to them. Celebs are a waist of time with too much baggage. I’ll stick with the home town girls any day.

    And what the fuck is this celebrity backing of Swammy-Obammy that’s sweeping the airwaves. I don’t care if Mr. moron Kucher and whoever else with their high and mighty pills claims they’ll work for a better country. They should’ve been doing that to begin with…….It is America….right??

  • 13. lifeisacookie  |  January 23, 2009 at 3:58 pm

    Angelina Jolie is Celebrities are the glue that holds our fragile society together!
    How could we possibly go on without her them?!?

This is the shit you bitches are reading

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