… don’t get fooled again?
With all the airborne people movers suckin’ up space in the Hudson, lame mea culpas from outgoing presidunces and the upcoming coronation of the Glorious Sunshine King of Hope – you may not have noticed that some shit actually kinda got done on the Hill yesterday.
Votes cast, approvals made, limits approved, Republicans whined … OMG! I get misty just thinking about it!!!
A $20 billion welfare check Senators said ‘sure sure, ok’ to when they voted to release the last $350 billion in financial-rescue funds from the way popular Troubled Asset Relief Program rammed up America’s ass enacted last year.
Oh, but don’t worry there citizen!
I know the banks are all ‘gimme gimme gimme but I ain’t giving YOU shit!’ and ‘Fuck you Mr. Taxpayer‘ and everything — but it’s cool.
It’s aaalllll gonna be ok!
Because the karmic winds of change are blowing, silly! And soon we will all bathe in shimmery golden droplets of everlasting heavenly promise.
It’s all part of my boyfriend‘s massive stimulus package … and there’s even a little something for Joe Sixpack over there, standing in the breadline on Mainstreet!
::: Umm, but don’t get carried away, Joe — this ain’t the Taxpayer Lotto. Bank of America won that in the first go round … :::
Instead of doing the historically Republican thing and stamping their feet and executing a kindergarten-esque crying jag on the steps of Congress, Transition Teamers took a different path and borrowed a page from the ‘Working Together’ playbook the big kids use.
::: UNPRECEDENTED!!! :::
O’Baby’s top money dude, Lawrence Summers, totally pinky swore they’re gonna use $50 billion to $100 billion for “a sweeping effort to address the foreclosure crisis.”
::: … that’s your cut, Joe… :::
And we have Summers’ word of honor that they’re taking the freebie, no strings, all-you-can-get dish off the menu at the bailout buffet.
::: NEATO! :::
THIS TIME there are gonna be some black-leather-biker-bar-tough oversights and tracking and accountability and all kiiinds of conscientious-sounding words to show the mega-seriosity surrounding how the money is used!
::: *sniff* I’m not sure but that smells like change I can believe in! SPIFFERIFIC!!! :::
But wait! There’s more!
The powers that are about to be are totally gonna get all restrictiony about executive pay at firms that receive help … this time.
::: Frealz? I’m fragile … don’t toy with me! :::
“I know this wasn’t an easy vote because of the frustration so many of us share about how the first half of this plan was implemented,” O’Beautiful said as he beamed approval from a cloudless sky.
“Now my pledge is to change the way this plan is implemented and keep faith with the American taxpayer.”
::: I’m gonna hold you to it, hot stuff!! :::
Entry filed under: blogging, community, culture, Gossip, government, humor, life, media, neighborhood, News, poverty, Uncategorized. Tags: bailout, Bank of America, Barack Obama, economy, finance, George Bush, greedy, internet, joe sixpack, money, new york times, newspaper, silly, stupid, TARP, taxpayer, website, welfare.