Oh yeah? Well come down here and say that!

January 14, 2009 at 4:26 pm 7 comments

Because the economy, the stock market, failing businesses, the New Great Depression, flagging sales figures and decreased readership are sooo last year, Forbes magazine is turning attention to news that really matters:

America’s 10 Most Boring Cities!!!!

Now I was shocked — SHOCKED I say — to see the Alabama snoozervilles of Bugtussle and Sterrett left off the list … but folks down the road  in Hialeah are a deep-fried and fevered shade of PISSED to find their municipality classed as, well, mostly mundane.

pissedatforbes“Chumino’s! Maricón’s!!” Jesus [HEY-ZOOS] bellowed this morning from one Florida radio station’s call-in line.

“To whoever did this list?!? They do NAHHT know about Hialeah, my friend!  A ti no te parieron, te cagaron!!” a teenager identified as Luz wailed before her mother [we’re guessing] washed her mouth out with soap.

And Mayor Julio Robaina , a weensy bit more restrained, said ‘I’m not sure what criteria was used, but I’m sure if you would stop and ask any resident . . . I don’t think they would say `boring’. Hialeah has more than 250,000 people. Obviously something is keeping them here.”

And, you know what? They’re right!
Ain’t nuthin’ boring about Hialeah!

* Hialeah is where you can drive down the street at 3 in the morning on a Tuesday and find a neighborhood barbeque in full swing!
::: YAY!! Par-tay!! Woo hoo!!!! :::
* From Trick Daddy to Lil Jon [and everyone in between] — Hialeah gets its fair share of lyrical shout-outs!
::: Si tu pasas por mi casa
y tu vez a mi mujer
tu le dices que estoy en Hialeah
trabajando en factoría
por culpa de Fidel!

*Hialeah is where you can eat ropa vieja for breakfast while getting a manicure and having new rims installed … all at the same place!
::: Don’t forget the cafe con leche! ::
* In 2006 Hialeah was on Money Magazine’s 10 Best Places to Live list
::: I mean, I wouldn’t live there but whatever! SUCK IT, FORBES!!! :::
* Hialeah is the international HQ for Telemundo television network.
::: Hijole! :::
* And
Hialeah is home to more Santerosas than anywhere else in the country.
::: Ritual sacrifice, anyone? :::

So, just so you know — those carechimba hijueputa’s from Forbes better not even think about visiting The City of Progress for, like, ever – ‘cuz Hialeans are flat out ready to bring the beatdown and cut their shit off!

… everyone else is welcome tho  …


Entry filed under: blogging, community, culture, entertainment, funny, Gossip, humor, journalism, life, media, neighborhood, News, newspapers, odd, reporting, unbelievable, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

And the scary part? She’s serious! Cue Apple tankage in 3 … 2 …


  • 1. Chris  |  January 14, 2009 at 11:29 pm

    Speaking of saying stuff “down there”…. Let me know when you update the Cookie store with some schnazzy panties.

  • 2. lifeisacookie  |  January 15, 2009 at 12:41 am

    I did baby clothes today — but I could do panties!
    Gotta shift gears for that one 😉

  • 3. Chris  |  January 15, 2009 at 1:02 am

    Just think of all the asses your face will could be on.

  • 4. Chris  |  January 15, 2009 at 1:04 am

    Will Could??? Yeah—- I R A Gud Typor I guess the thoughts that were going through my mind interrupted the brain waves that were being sent to my fingers. Or maybe it was this woman howling on American Idol. WTH was she thinkin!!!!!

  • 5. lifeisacookie  |  January 15, 2009 at 2:45 am

    It’s ok — typos while ass on brain don’t count (like calories on your birthday!!)

  • 6. curious  |  January 15, 2009 at 7:17 pm

    i think it’s time for a nap

  • 7. lifeisacookie  |  January 15, 2009 at 7:42 pm


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