Breaking up is hard to do

January 6, 2009 at 11:16 am 9 comments

It was just a matter of time.

We invite them into our homes, put them on a pedestal and dress them in ribbons and bows and bells and lights.
::: OH MY! :::

We lavish them with praise for being so big! … So beautiful! … So much better than the one the neighbors picked!!!
::: suck it Chuck! :::

We surround them with obscene amounts of gifts and have extravagant celebrations where we introduce them to all of our family and friends.

Then *BAM* — just like a trick ho who can’t pay Big Nate when his share is due — we strip them bare, cast them out into the harsh winter air and leave them to rot in full view of the entire neighborhood.
::: don’t fuck with Nate, ‘kay? :::

So it was, indeed,  just a matter of time before at least one member of the Christmas Tree Commonwealth got her branches in a bunch and brought the ‘Hell Naw!’ when her owner tried to kick her to the cold, cold curb.
::: … she don’t have to take that shit, yo! :::

On December 30, police were called to an area of North Hampton, New Hampshire after receiving a report eviltreethat a “Christmas tree flew out and attacked” an unsuspecting motorist.
::: Get ’em, girlfriend!! ::: 

According to police reports, the driver of a 1998 Ford Escort [DAMN! A Ford?!? DOUBLE DAMN – a ’98?!?!?] said he was driving along, minding his business when a Christmas tree left on a curb for recycling [mmm hmmmm] went airborne in a wind gust and “blew into the grill of his car.”

Damage to the Ford is unknown, but I pine for the pulp, which was a total loss.
::: she died for your sins, you know … :::

Entry filed under: blogging, comedy, community, culture, entertainment, family, fun, funny, Gossip, holiday, humor, law enforcement, life, media, neighborhood, News, odd, reporting, unbelievable, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

Oh there’s a special place, indeed! You like me! You really like me!


  • 1. compulsivewriter  |  January 6, 2009 at 11:53 am

    interesting title and an even interesting post… well done 🙂

  • 2. ariniaina  |  January 6, 2009 at 1:04 pm

    nice post… yeah really coooool 🙂

  • 3. lifeisacookie  |  January 6, 2009 at 1:43 pm

    Beware the tree!!

  • 4. springdaddy  |  January 6, 2009 at 4:35 pm

    The tree did nothing but bring happiness. It didn’t pay the bills, It didn’t fuss when dressed with some gay ass ribbons a bows. It didn’t even complain when strung with eight bazzilion candle power of lights. The darn thing was leaning at our house! Out to the curb, Slacker!!!!!
    And take your piney wood smell with ya…….I like Oak smell better.

  • 5. lifeisacookie  |  January 6, 2009 at 4:41 pm

    Hatin’ on the tree, are we?
    Don’t say I didn’t warn ya when next Christmas rolls around!

  • 6. MommyCity  |  January 6, 2009 at 8:08 pm

    This whole thing reminds me of a blonde joke, but I shall spare you. And I’m gonna start a petition that says Cookie’s not allowed to use songs as titles anymore. I’ve had that stuck in my head all day!!

  • 7. lifeisacookie  |  January 6, 2009 at 8:22 pm

    You have to tell it now. You know that, right? RIGHT???

  • 8. MommyCity  |  January 6, 2009 at 8:34 pm

    LOL – Okay… I’m too lazy to type it all out so I went and copied it from Cool Blonde Jokes

    A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.

    “My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?” “Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.
    “Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.

    “Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ….”

    “Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”

  • 9. lifeisacookie  |  January 6, 2009 at 8:46 pm

    I have to bow down to that one — THAT is a blonde joke I haven’t heard before (and that’s saying something!)

This is the shit you bitches are reading

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