Year in Review: Blonde Edition

December 31, 2008 at 11:29 am 7 comments


January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
 
February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.
Helllloooo!!! Bottles won’t fit in printer!!!
 
March
Got really excited!! Finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months … box said ‘2-4 years!’
 
April
Trapped on escalator for hours! Power went out!!!
 
May
Tried to make Kool-Aid … wrong instructions … 8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!!
 
June
Tried to go water skiing … couldn’t find a lake with a slope.
 
July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition. Learned later the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
 
August
Got locked out of my car in rain  storm … car swamped because soft-top was open.
 
September
The capital of California is ‘C’ … isn’t it???
 
October
Hate M & M’s! They are so hard to peel!!
 
November
Baked turkey for 4½ days. Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108 …
 
December
Couldn’t call 911 … duh! There’s no ‘eleven’ button on the stupid phone!!!

Disclaimer: No blondes were harmed in the writing of this hee hee, although I can’t say that for certain as the content is not original to LIAC but merely reformatted and posted here for your non-alcoholic enjoyment, although it may be funnier if you were completely blitzed when you read it and so I suggest you knock a few back and try reading it again to maximize the experience you know you want to have … oh and by the way Cookie is a natural blonde who has been known on occasion to change hair color to satisfy childish whims but the point is that blonde bitches shouldn’t be offended by this shit because it’s hella funny and if you’re a blonde bitch who is offended by this shit then email me privately for the written ass-kicking your delicate white-bred pansy fanny obviously needs as well as the number of a good therapist because you clearly need serious mental attention and pharmaceutical intervention.
THE ANTHEM!! – by Julie Brown
Advertisements

Entry filed under: blogging, entertainment, fun, funny, Gossip, life, News, odd, unbelievable, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

THIS is, like, sooooo not right … ‘n stuff Happy New Year, Bitches!

7 Comments

  • 1. sandysays1  |  December 31, 2008 at 1:42 pm

    Even though I’m a blonde, I really enjoyed this. My human’s wife is a blonde but I don’t thing this applies, cause her color comes from a bottle. It’s really gray so I’m not is naturally dumb or bottled dumb. Well written and a great SOH. Visit me at http://www.SandySays1.wordpress.com for a thought and a laugh about New Years’ Resolutions

  • 2. hilary321  |  December 31, 2008 at 1:58 pm

    I’m knot a dubm blonde either although I do reassemble some of your remarks. Anyway how did you no it was me who got locked out of my car during that storm.

    Hope that 2009 will keep you busy at the cookie mill.

  • 3. lifeisacookie  |  December 31, 2008 at 2:20 pm

    OMG — In true blonde fashion — I forgot the anthem!
    Whew — it’s, like, totally added now!

  • 4. MommyCity  |  December 31, 2008 at 8:39 pm

    It’s not nice to make fun of blondes. That really hits a spark with me!! I lost 2 very good friends who were blonde. They perished in the back of a pick-up when the driver went off a bridge and they couldn’t get the tailgate down to escape the raging waters.

  • 5. lifeisacookie  |  December 31, 2008 at 8:43 pm

    Oh the horror!!!
    OH THE HUMANITY!!!!
    Why oh why do these tragic events befall the blondes?!?
    Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy???

    Let us all take a moment, raise a BPF (Blonde Power Fist) in the air and salute the fallen …

  • 6. writechicpress  |  December 31, 2008 at 10:13 pm

    I heard a Philly blonde saying, “I’m naught, I’m naught.”

  • 7. True Must See TV!!!! « Life Is A Cookie  |  March 7, 2009 at 4:39 pm

    […] Year in Review? Our supremely awesome Dumbass and Dumb Bitch coverage?? Our adroit analysis of religious […]


This is the shit you bitches are reading


Creative Commons License
Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.


%d bloggers like this: