December 26, 2008 at 1:54 pm 10 comments

Ruh roh … looks like the fat man broke a shitload o’ really good laws last night … at least according to the Libertarians.

ENJOY! (but, umm, don’t tell the kiddies!)

Top Five Reasons Why Santa Belongs In The Slammer:

1.) Every December 25, the illegal immigrant known as Santa Claus crosses the border into the United States without a passport. He carries concealed contraband, which he sneaks into the country in order to avoid inspection by the U.S. Customs Service. And just what’s in all those brightly colored packages tied up with ribbons, anyway? The Drug Czar and Homeland Security want to know.

2.) Look at how this international fugitive gets around: Santa flies in a custom-built sleigh that hasn’t been approved by the FAA. He never files a flight plan. He has no pilot’s license. In the dark of night, he rides the skies with just a tiny bioluminescent red light to guide him — a clear violation of traffic safety regulations.

3.) Pulling Santa’s sleigh: Eight tiny reindeer, a federally protected species being put to hard labor. None of these reindeer have their required shots, and Santa’s never bothered to get these genetically- engineered animals registered and licensed. It’s no wonder: He keeps them penned outside his workplace in a clear violation of zoning laws.

4.) But Crooked Claus the Conniving Capitalist harms more than just animals — he’s hurting hard-working American laborers, too. Isn’t Santa’s Workshop really Santa’s Sweatshop, where his non-union employees don’t make minimum wage and get no holiday pay? Add the fact that OSHA has never inspected the place, and you have a Third-World elf-exploitation operation that only Kathy Lee Gifford could love.

5.) No wonder Santa is able to maintain his monopoly over the toy distribution industry: He’s cornered the Christmas gift market. Santa dares to give away his products for free in a sinister attempt to crush all competition — just like Microsoft’s Internet Explorer. Antitrust Lawsuit Memo to the feds: Is Santa Claus the Bill Gates of Christmas?


Entry filed under: blogging, comedy, community, crime, culture, education, entertainment, fun, funny, Gossip, holiday, humor, law enforcement, life, media, News, odd, Politics, unbelievable, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , .

Merry Merry, y’all Oy Veh


  • 1. abdulcholiq  |  December 26, 2008 at 5:54 pm

    I pity them? easy to realize that their laws and to return to the correct jeremiah

  • 2. MommyCity  |  December 26, 2008 at 6:03 pm

    *scratches her head and goes “mmmkay”*

  • 3. this buddy of mine  |  December 26, 2008 at 7:54 pm

    I know someone who is getting translation software for Christmas hanukkah Ramadan

  • 4. lifeisacookie  |  December 26, 2008 at 9:44 pm

    methinks abdulcholiq is really Libertarian ‘code’ for alcoHOLIC … eh???

  • 5. MommyCity  |  December 27, 2008 at 12:19 am

    I’m having flashbacks of this post.

  • 6. MommyCity  |  December 27, 2008 at 12:20 am

    LOL! Cookie deleted her comment and now my flashback comment makes no sense….

  • 7. Hazel Jones  |  December 27, 2008 at 5:03 am


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  • 8. MommyCity  |  December 27, 2008 at 6:26 am

    Wow – they’re out in full force today.

  • 9. lifeisacookie  |  December 27, 2008 at 2:09 pm

    Sorry Mommy — I saw the duped comment and didn’t realize I’d done that … but *I* get your point! 😉

    Hazel … mmmm … I think you’ve got it backwards, hon … the advertisers pay the bloggers for bringing eyeballs to their products via clickthroughs and such in the hopes of a money-for-product transfer … usually dependent on the blog’s daily visitor count paired with a time-spent quotient and some other nifty whatchamacallitz … but, hey, I’m sure someone out there will fall for your schtick … keep truckin’, homie!

  • 10. traffic tickets fines  |  January 14, 2009 at 10:05 pm

    traffic tickets fines…


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