Yup, that’s one way to do it!

November 20, 2008 at 4:50 pm 2 comments


So there’s this song out there called ‘Bust Your Windows’ by a hot piece named Jazmine Sullivan and it’s all about a former boyfriend and the playful way she clued him in that she wasn’t exactly down with his cheatin’ horndoggery (mmmmyeah, ok, so the title does kind of give it away).

“I bust the windows out your car
After I saw you laying next to her
I didn’t wanna but I took my turn
I’m glad I did it ’cause you had to learn”

Lack of preposition notwithstanding, the song is kind of catchy in an angry-girl-anthem kind of way, which means I am all about it  — but it’s missing the finality one expects from a brutal breakup song.
::: I cut yer dick of with mah ax … see? now that’s catchy!! :::

But Jazzy’s from Philly and I guess that’s just how they do it up there and all what with bustin’ out windows and scrawling initials on the hood with a crowbar and suchlike and that’s all cool and everything … I  just wasn’t raised that way.

I was brought up where this kind of business gets handled … differently.

Just ask Cropwell’s own Josh Sempley.
::: BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Suckit Dickweed! That gag order is all KINDS of over!!! :::

For a while there it was all sexy sleepovers and hot steaminess between Josh and me …

until the skank he was bangin’ behind my back thought she’d try and school me on his scammin’ ways many Christmas moons ago.

holidayroachBeing the holiday season and all, I decided the proper thing to do would be to give them both big, BIG presents!!
::: I’m a giver like that. It’s just how I roll :::

First I trotted on down to Livvy’s Bait & Tackle just off Highway 280.
Livvy’s was this fun little place my dad would take me when I was little to get top-of-the-line spinners, streamers and shad wraps.
Folks forced to buy their bait on a budget could also get minnows, maggots and, my personal favorite, roaches!

A small ten dollar investment got me a half-pound of the creepy-crawlies — which turned out to be quite a powerful deterrent to late-night prank skank calls after she discovered the little demons inside the car she ** oopsie ** forgot to lock.
::: ho’, Ho’, HO’!! :::

“Oooh Yeah I did it
You should know it
I ain’t sorry
You deserved it”

Josh’s gift was more personal.

roadsterD-bag’s pride and joy — his raison d’être, if you will — was a tasty and totally cherry 1927 T-Bucket Roadster he built by hand from a kit.
That sweet thing was full of sweat-equity and powered by love so, of course, I gave it the royal treatment!
A Super-Ultimate-PRIMO bath using only the finest Brillo® and acetone mixture my never-be-hustled-again heart could manage.

You broke my heart
So I broke ya car
You caused me pain
So I did the same”

And did you know dishwashing soap isn’t supposed to be poured into the gas tank?!?
::: hehe – MY BAD!! … Live and learn, right?!? :::

Ooohhhhhh … good times, Good TIMES!

So, just so you know Jazzy baby — if your record label is lookin’ for a funky follow-up? Call me!

— and what about YOU?

ooooo tell … TELL!!

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Entry filed under: blogging, entertainment, fun, funny, Gossip, life, News, odd, unbelievable, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

Jessica Simpson is pregnant … in the lips Well shit …

2 Comments

  • 1. Leslee  |  April 1, 2010 at 10:31 pm

    Good night, Happy April Fool’s Day!!!

    A man accompanied a friend home for dinner one evening and noticed that as soon as they entered the door, his friend kissed his wife and told her how pretty she looked. After dinner, he complimented his wife on the food and kissed her again.
    “Do you always do that?” asked the visitor when they were alone.
    “You bet I do,” answered the man. “It helps keep our marriage a happy one.”
    The visitor was greatly impressed and decided to use the same procedure with his own wife. That night he swept her into his arms when he got home and kissed her warmly. “Sweetheart,” he said, “you look wonderful tonight, and I’m a lucky man to have such a beautiful wife.”
    His wife looked at him in amazement, then burst into tears.
    “For Pete’s sake,” exclaimed the astonished man, “what’s the matter?”
    “What a day this has been!” his wife answered. “First Johnny sprained his ankle, then the washing machine broke down and flooded the basement, and now you come home drunk!”

    Happy April Fool’s Day!

  • 2. lifeisacookie  |  April 1, 2010 at 11:18 pm

    HA!



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