It’s good to be Eliot Spitzer

November 7, 2008 at 3:16 pm 2 comments


Former New York Governor and Hall of Fame Whoremonger Eliot Spitzer will not face criminal charges for gettin’ his freak on with Ashley Depraved and some other high-priced hookers, federal prosecutors announced this week.
::: Everybody to the champagne room – STAT! ::: 

Michael J. Garcia, the United States attorney in Manhattan, confirmed that, although his office had found that “on multiple occasions, Mr. Spitzer arranged for women to travel from one state to another state to engage in prostitution” they couldn’t prove it was taxpayer money or campaign cash payin’ for that poontang.
::: See, it’s not that prostitution is illegal, per se — it’s the way you PAY for it that’s the crimey part. Good to know!! ::: 

“We have determined that there is insufficient evidence to bring charges against Mr. Spitzer. In light of the policy of the Department of Justice with respect to prostitution offenses and the longstanding practice of this office, as well as Mr. Spitzer’s acceptance of responsibility for his conduct, we have concluded that the public interest would not be further advanced by filing criminal charges in this matter.”
::: So does that mean all Johns who get bizzay on their own bucks get to go free too — as long as they get all boo hoo and are really, really sorry?  :::

Moments after Little Spitz was released from legal lockdown, Big Spitz thanked officials for their “impartiality and thoroughness” and reminded us all that he’s still really, really sorry for his horndoggery.

“I resigned my position as governor because I recognized that conduct was unworthy of an elected official. I once again apologize for my actions and for the pain and disappointment those actions caused my family and the many people who supported me during my career in public life.”

Anyone wanna do an over/under on when the sex tape comes out?

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Yes, I DO want extra fries with that miracle Party Girl

2 Comments

  • 1. Type Writer  |  November 7, 2008 at 8:28 pm

    Speaking of cheating scandals, have you heard the latest on the John Edwards affair? The Enquirer reporter that broke that story has got a hold of a dirty diaper, which they plan to test for DNA

    I think I just threw up a little in my mouth 🙂

  • 2. lifeisacookie  |  November 7, 2008 at 9:30 pm

    you know — I DID see that yesterday and thought it had to be a bunch of bull but I bet you they try for a saliva sample and do their own paternity test!

    He’s so over!


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