I mind that he did

October 20, 2008 at 10:41 am


What is it about The View that makes people pimping their books lose their damned minds and blab all their nasty, private, potentially criminal business to the entire free world?
::: Hasselbiatch :::

Perma-Jaundiced George Hamilton appeared on the chatfest to hype his memoirs ‘Don’t Mind If I Do’ when he confessed to the planet via the unholy tribunal that he was raped by his 28-year-old stepmother, June Howard, when he was 12 … ‘cept tomatohead didn’t phrase it quite that way.

When I was 12 I had a relationship with my stepmother… It was very normal. She didn’t make me feel bad about it. It wasn’t dirty,” he blabbed. “Was I molested? Damn, I’m down for it again,’ he said, laughing like a moron who suddenly realizes he said a bunch more words than he might should have and now he’s got some ‘splainin’ to do!

As the story goes, Georgie boy was living his dear ol’ divorced dad and his stepwhore in New York when the whole nasty mess began.

“One rainy day, when dad was at work, I was lying on the daybed in the living room where I had been sleeping,’ he writes in the book. “June, in an ice-blue peignoir, came over to join me. She didn’t say anything. She just lay down beside me for a while, then mentioned something about “cuddling”. What followed was as natural as the birds and bees neither of my parents had gotten around to telling me about.

“From my point of view it wasn’t something so crazy  –  I don’t think it warped me in my life.”
::: uuuhhh huuuhhhhh ::: 

No warpage at all! In Hammy’s world statutory rape is natural – de rigeur, if you will.
Ladies pushin’ 30 gettin’ their groove on with middle school lads — yep — totally normal.

But hey, I’ve heard you can’t rape the willing, so maybe he’s onto something there, I don’t know. But what I do know is — I DON’T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THIS SHIT, GEORGE!!!!!

Once you know something like this, you can’t un-know it! It’s like info-herpes — once you have it, it’s always there …

Seriously dude – you were funny as the wacky, out-of-touch plastic surgeon in Doc Hollywood and I think you’re mildly appealing in those baked chip commercials where you poke fun at your own sun-dried-tomato-yness.
You have matured into a somewhat nifty piece of comic relief of the totally non-sexual nature. Throwing your peen back into the mix now, when you’re like 1,000 years old is just breach of contract!

Know your role, peepaw!

Good grief! I have barely healed the deep (DEEP) emotional scars suffered after watching Barbara Walters’ desperate attempt to stay relevant by broadcasting tales of a thirty-year-old bi-racial booty call with a married US Senator and now I have to deal with this mess?!?

I can’t tell you how much time and money I had to devote to serious freebasing and heavy drinking therapy just to get the awful, horrible, vomitous image of Babs’ kneeknockers jigglin’ all over hell and creation while she bumped fuglies with this Edward Bro … OH FUCK — I CAN STILL SEE IT!!!

Thanks a lot, George!

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