High Fashion

August 27, 2008 at 4:42 pm

Behold the delicious nugget of sophisticated elegance that is human mattress Tara Reid:

Tara is taking time off from her regular gig as covergirl for Cocktail Quarterly and Tequila Times to chase her real passion: freebasing fashion design.

No shit — you read that right.
Tara Reid is launching a clothing line.

Not content being the only street red carpet walker who thinks double-sided tape is soooo last year, Tara and her wonky chi chis debuted ‘Mantra‘ – a collection of swimsuits and casual wear – in Las Vegas this week.

The list of descriptive terms one could use for Tipsy and her croutons is long and varied, but one thing she can’t be called is out of touch.
::: comatose, yes.  out of touch, no :::

Rummy employed a crack team of marketing ninjas to work day and night in an effort to identify her target demographic.

They hit paydirt one afternoon at TGI Fridays when they – literally – stumbled upon the 17 haggard, stretchmarked skanks who don’t snicker like high school sophomores when her name is used in the same sentence with words like ‘Star’, ‘Actress’, ‘Successful’ or ‘Sober’.

And then – faster than you can say acute alcohol poisoning –
* BAM *
Mobile home chic has a brand-new face!

“It’s about putting into the universe what you want in life: Red means love, pink is friendship, green is lucky, black is protection.”
::: red, pink, green and black – I have a bruise that looks JUST like that! :::

But I get it though … white means purity, so we know that color was a no go. And I guess there’s no room for the international color of jaundice: yellow.
::: bummer :::

But it’s all good, ‘cuz Toasty and her no-no hole, like, totally promise  these duds will rock your whirl!

“You’re gonna need an alibi have a story when you wear this bikini or when you put this dress on. You’ll either get love or meet a new friend or you might meet a guy.”

And, by that she means her fashions are tear-away and edible so that nothing  can stand in the way of you and your future STD.

Wet wipe?

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