Hey there fatty, wanna drop some tonnage?
Feel like trading in those itty bitties for some bigger, firmer breastesses?
Care to put the kibosh on those grody granny hot flashes?
OF COURSE YOU DO!
And do you want to achieve all of the above with absolutely no commitment or effort whatsoever??
OF COURSE YOU DO!
GOOD – because the shady charlatans at Zoft and their fabulous line of wonder gums can, for about $32 a pop, help you chew your way to full-on fabulosity!
Chomp your way to chestiness!
Smack your stress away!
Wear out your jaws for wondrous weight loss!
Munch away your menopausal misery with minty-freshness!
Heck – you can even grab a pack to perk up the peen!
But don’t take my word for it
::: I’m serious — do not take my word for it :::
Check out these completely fabricated and unverifiable testimonials …
“I’ve been taking this product for over a month now and have lost 7 pounds. I couldn’t be more pleased! I also have much more level of energy..I guess it’s mainly because I’m lighter. I feel great!”
Well thumbs up to YOU, Sandra, 37, from Nevada – sloth and stupidity finally pay off!!!
“It effected nearly since day 1, After 3 weeks I’m using it – the results are great, highly recommend”.
Dan, 23, Los Angles
WOW – Thanks Dan from, err, Los Angles??? for that wonderfully ambiguous and moderately illiterate recommendation!
“Loved this product, will definitely order more, I feel much better. At the beginning I was skeptic, but it caused an improvement. Also shipping was super fast! Thanks a lot!”
Karyn, 25, Florida
Awesome Karyn!! I mean, I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about – but kudos on that phenominally super-fast delivery — you just don’t SEE that every day!!!
Anyone sampled the Double Bubble Butt yet?
Entry filed under: blogging, entertainment, fun, funny, Gossip, life, News, odd, unbelievable, Uncategorized. Tags: bigger breasts, body, body image, boobs, California, chest, chewing gum, comedy, consumer, fat, Florida, food, health, hot flashes, humor, Los Angeles, menopause, Nevada, News, penis, people, promise, random, relax, relaxation, sarcasm, satire, sex, sexual desire, skinny, stress, stupid, thoughts, website, weight loss, women, Zoft.