Lone Star Hate

July 31, 2008 at 6:34 pm 15 comments


What is it about Texas that turns high school cheerleaders and their mothers 20 shades of batshit crazy?

Back in the ’90s we had “Pom Pom Mom” Wanda Holloway who hired hit man to murder her 13 year-old daughter’s cheer rival.
Bitch put a contract out on an eighth grader!!!
In case you didn’t know, that’s what crazy looks like.  –>

Last year we were treated to a bunch of dive-roll divas dubbed the ‘Fab Five’ who terrorized folks at a school near Dallas with their ‘chocolate tampons’, peeny-pics and tawdry texts.

And now we have the lovely ladies of the Morton Ranch High School varsity squad who apparently got a little frisky, mixed a whole bunch of überbitch with absolutely no common sense and turned a recent JV-to-V induction breakfast into a possible criminal incident.
::: CLASSY!! :::

Allegations surfaced this week that the school’s varsity squad “kidnapped” junior varsity members … blindfolded them, bound their hands and mouths with duct tape and tossed them into a swimming pool.”
::: NOT nice, Buffy!! :::

And “when a girl (BEEP) in her pants and puts her pants on another girl’s head, that’s just disgusting,” the sister of one of the JV casualties cheerleaders told the local ABC station.

You know, I’d flat out cut a bitch for BEEPing on me!
::: They troped their own copy! WTF?!? :::

But the most precious part of this whole retarded mess isn’t the BEEPing or the binding — it’s some hagbag called CHEERMOM001 on the local station’s message boards. She ranted, raved and refreshed that browser for 15 fun-filled hours … and counting!
::: can you say obsessive-compulsive, control-freak, probably guilty-by-association stay-at-home stage-mom? I can! … It hurts, but I can say it. :::

I particularly like the way she came back from her ‘break’ at 1:18 this morning to find that someone (tee hee) had sneakily engaged her keyboard’s capslock.
CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW, BITCHES!?!

She brought the crazy into the wee hours of the morning – then *poof* – just like her daughter’s alibi – CHEERMOM001 was gone!
Some lunacy with your lunch?

7/30/08 2:38 PM EDT
BTY…… Please JV PARENTS get off your POWER TRIP AND THE ONES THAT GO TO CHURCH BLESS YOU
::: BT-WHAT!? :::

7/30/08 2:49 PM EDT
I AM BLESSED AND HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A BLESSED DAY , FOR THOSE WHO ARE NOT BLESSED GOD BLESS YOU, AND TRULY THERE IS ALOT TO THIS STORY AND I HOPE ITS ALL CLEARED UP FAST . PRAY FOR ALL INVOLVED AND THE PARENTS WHO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS 
::: she meant touched … not blessed. But I would pray if I were anywhere near Katy, Texas – Mamma was probably loadin’ buckshot between sentences. :::    

 

WOW IVE BEEN CLONE ? NO WE JUST KNOW THE TRUTH …….. 
::: Ruh roh — too much sniffy-sniff makes mommy a bad typist … umm, and paranoid!  :::

Oh but it’s just that kind of special when people get all liquored worked up, fire up the Dell and congregate in an atmosphere of mutual hatred on a barely-moderated message board!

Virtual finger-pointing! Legal threats!! Written threats!!!
Better than the last Grisham novel!

Oh crazy Texans – you do make us laugh (and laugh and laaauuuugh …)

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Mindin’ his biznass No nekkidness in smalltown Georgia

15 Comments

  • 1. Brown  |  July 31, 2008 at 7:51 pm

    This shyt is too damn funny!!!!! Luv it from the Lone Star State!

  • 2. Corrina  |  July 31, 2008 at 8:17 pm

    LOL I love it you did a fine job!!

  • 3. BlueDsy  |  July 31, 2008 at 8:33 pm

    Great job, very funny. I think you nailed some of those Texas cheerleader moms quite well. =)

  • 4. DangNabIt  |  July 31, 2008 at 9:45 pm

    BlueDsy, them Texas cheerleader moms don’t get nailed without getting some shopping trips in return…give us a break, I’m sure your cheerleaders ain’t the sharpest tools in the shed neither; proly just like ours, the most used tools (or the most used to tools?)…c’mon, ‘fess up now…

  • 5. girlofwords  |  August 1, 2008 at 5:09 pm

    Dear Texas,

    We’ve thought about it, and you’re right. It’s cool if you want to be your own country. Good luck.

    Love,

    The United States

  • 6. mAmAj  |  August 12, 2008 at 5:33 pm

    AWESOME! I love it. LMAO
    my kids just graduated from MRHS- 07 & 08.
    possibly be the 1st and last classes that brought “positive” recognition to the school…

  • 7. Corrina  |  September 30, 2008 at 2:14 pm

    Too funny it is back in the news and they have suspended all cheer activities for the remainder of the year!

  • 8. lifeisacookie  |  September 30, 2008 at 2:58 pm

    Holy Schniekies! Is CHEERMOM back too?

  • 9. narf497  |  January 12, 2009 at 9:11 pm

    Is cheers in jail?

  • 10. Ponchita  |  March 5, 2009 at 9:11 pm

    I know this is an old post, but just saw the headline and damn near fell off my chair from your wonderful, wonderful gift of writing.
    Hell, I’m just on the other side of town from Katy and I never heard about this. Hilariosity! Remember that word cookie – cuz it’s a keeper. Texas cheer moms are some crazy bitches and they take that pom pom’ng seriously. My senior in high school our little troop of short skirted ho’s got all liquored up at a party and two days later ( we had to wait for pics to be processed then) pics surfaced and ut -oh. They disbanded the little merry cha cha’s for the rest of the year (3 months…big whoop). There were some seriously pissed off and crazed moms. This though sounds like attempted murder…tying their hands up and tossing them into a pool. Of course, they are cheerleaders and may have only been in 2 feet of water trying to figure a way out.
    Gotta love my home state!

  • 11. lifeisacookie  |  March 6, 2009 at 10:42 am

    haha! Yah — Cheermom is hilariosity personified!! And you are right about the cheer moms in your state — they are a HOOT!!!

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  • 13. Beyatch  |  May 12, 2009 at 10:26 am

    Oh PLEASE follow this trash up!

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