Food for thought

July 18, 2008 at 6:16 pm 5 comments


We’re Number One!!
We’re Number One!!
We’re Num … wait. What?

Crap. Wrong kind of number one …
According to a weighty government survey, the South is (once again) the portliest part of the good ol’ US of A.

DANGIT SOUTHERN PEOPLE!!!!
Can we please be number one for something positive?!?
ACK!!!

Maybe I’m overreacting.
After all, the findings are pretty much the same as they were in each of the the three previous years this fat-finding mission was performed.
::: hooray for artery-clogging consistency?!? :::

Mississippi, the perpetual red-headed stepchild of America, has reigned as Queen Supreme Pudgie Pot every year since 2004. But the rest of the region got surprisingly supersized and now the competition is ON!

Alabama, Tennessee, West Virginia and Louisiana all embraced their inner backfat and have been bringin’ the chunk harder than ever!
Collectively, these four fatties have made so much peace with being obese that there’s almost nothing that sets them apart from Mississippi when it comes to the all important fat stat.
::: heavy thigh :::

Making up the ‘Top Ten Most Ginormous and Jiggliest States’ are:
1. Mississippi, now with 32.0% more lardass
2. Alabama, showing a sizeable 30.3 % bigger spare tire
::: You are my Heart of Dixie!! Just a little more bacon and you can be Number One, girlfriend!! :::
3. Tennessee, showing 30.1% heavier thunder thighs
4. Louisiana, packing 29.8% more junk in the trunk
5. West Virginia, with a whopping 29.5% bigger deep-fried backside
6. Arkansas, proudly packin’ on 28.7% more blubber butt
7. South Carolina, balancing picnic plates on 28.4% bigger buddha bellies
8. Georgia, cramming cookies into 28.2% chunkier cheeks
9. Oklahoma, outdoing itself with 28.1% more Oreo eating
10. Texas, bringing up a fabulously fattier rear with it’s 28.1% more flabtastic weigh-in

‘Experts’ think the traditional Southern diet — high in fat and fried food — may be partly to blame.

::: Oh yes! Finally – a CLUE!!! :::Another
 

 

Bacon Doughnut Egg Burger, Belva?

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Senior survey Economical strategification

5 Comments

  • 1. noni  |  July 18, 2008 at 7:18 pm

    That can’t be real – a bacon doughnut egg hamburger? GROSS!

  • 2. flyingcrispi  |  July 18, 2008 at 10:19 pm

    Christ! Some people are willing to eat anything!
    I’m just going to stick with strawberries and nectarines.

  • 3. girlofwords  |  July 20, 2008 at 6:36 pm

    Ah, the homeland … comin’ in at a solid FIVE!

    Noni — I’ve seen it here, but without the doughnut. I’ve seen on a menu a cheeseburger with egg and bacon. It looked too gross to try.

  • 4. thatoneblogger  |  July 21, 2008 at 2:48 pm

    0_0 I live in Texas….

  • 5. Digestive deliverance « Life Is A Cookie  |  June 15, 2009 at 3:05 pm

    […] If anyone can save these esteemed establishments from economic euthanisia – it’s YOU Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee, Louisiana, West Virginia, Arkansas, South Carolina, Georgia, O…! […]



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