Archive for June, 2008

RIP George Carlin


The morning news opened with news of George Carlin’s death from apparent heart failure.

And, well – just damn.

 

 

June 23, 2008 at 10:49 am 2 comments

Toemercial appeal?


camel toe commercial

Only once in my life have I ever seen an instance of camel toe worse than this — and, at least, HIS was on purpose!

What I want to know — what I MUST know is just who in the hell screened the local auto dealership commercial featuring the spokestoe above and said ‘Now that there is a go for air, gents!’.

Was it a blind dude?
Was it her ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend?
Was it that bitch from accounting who found out she lost out to ol’ blondie in the race to date the dealership’s F&I manager?

Seriously! Who could have possibly watched the teevee spot featuring this facially attractive woman wearing the horrifically ill-fitting khaki pants and thought ‘Yessss, whale tail — THAT’S what new car buyers are looking for!’

Someone who never made it down that far. That’s who.
Which means it had to be a man.

Blonde hair: CHECK
Ample boobage: CHECK
Almost too-tight shirt: CHECK

And the toemercial is born.

June 23, 2008 at 10:22 am 4 comments

Oh, those cunning British linguists!


Political correctness policeA bunch of Brits have decided to do away with the much-overused business term ‘brainstorming’ as it may possibly, perhaps, plausibly but probably not cause distress to epileptics who are ‘so sensitive that anything with the word “brain” in it causes distress’.

Instead, they propose that we engage in ‘thought showering’ during meetings designed for idea generation.

Oh, well done, British Idiots!!!! Splendid idea!

But why cater to just the epileptics?!?
I can think of several other words and phrases to, umm, ‘modify’ for LOTS of other groups …

For instance, it is highly likely that use of the business cliché ‘brain dump’ might seriously offend the horrifically incontinent.
Can you just imagine  the shitstorm that  phrase has probably caused over the years? We can’t have that. So, instead of saying ‘brain dump’, I propose we ‘undergo an excretory thought-elimination process’.
You’re feelin’ me, right?

And while I’m at it — I know for a FACT that the closet-claustrophobe in the conjoining cubicle hates to be encouraged to ‘think outside the box’ but would much rather be encouraged to ‘cogitate externally from within’.
::: You didn’t think I cared, did you Martha!?! :::

Oooo, ooo — and Gaylord? On the third floor? I know Gay would much rather ‘thrust against the big, broad horizon’ than be urged to blandly ‘push the envelope’.
::: Gay TOTALLY feels me — my HR department can attest to that:::

Yup, I’ll back the Brits on this movement because I think it’s very important that, going forward moving in a future-advancing motion, we not drop the ball fell the orb on this issue but rather bring our A-game tranport a primary-vowel achievement when it comes to making the language of business corporate-centered vernacular appropriate for everyone pluralistically agreeable.

 Anything less just wouldn’t be civically rectitudinous!

June 20, 2008 at 7:17 pm 3 comments

You say ‘plum tomato’ …


TomatoesI say Olivette!

Red, juicy tomatoes are back, biatches!

The fruit everyone labels a veggie is back from the brink of Salmonella Siberia – at least for some fast-food retailers (for whom quality is, like, fur realz super-duper crucial, man).

McDonald’s, Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, Wendy’s — are all bringin’ back the ‘mater for use in the culinary questionables they serve up daily.

Which got me thinking …
Fast food is nasty. Why not just lick the bottom of your shoe and be done with it. No, but really …
Taco Bell serves, umm, actual food?!?
(I always thought it was some sort of  a hangover remedy.)

 

 

June 19, 2008 at 10:11 am 1 comment

Hot tranny mess …


But not the kind you’re thinking …

Editor and Publisher is echoing the ‘calling out’ Queerty gave New York Post cartoonist Sean Delonas over his apparent on-the-job lazy-assness … or, as I remember it being called in J-school – self-plagiarism.

Writes E&P: Two recent “Delonas cartoons were about Thomas Beatie, a transgender man who is reportedly pregnant. (Beatie was born a woman and took testosterone to look like a man; the female organs were left intact.)”

So just how similar were Delonas’ drawings?
Judge for yourself:

April 6, 2008:
April 10, 2008 Sean Delonas New York Post editorial cartoon

June 10, 2008:
June 10, 2008 Sean Delonas New York Post editorial cartoon

Yeeeaaahhhhh …

June 18, 2008 at 10:43 am 6 comments

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