Bumper stickers are the new crazy

June 17, 2008 at 12:43 pm


Cars with bumper stickers

People who drive vehicles sporting bumper stickers are sick, crazy, dangerous bastards bent on your destruction.

Whaaaattttt?
I know it sounds harsh, but it’s based on serious researchification and scientifical findings – so we must accept it as truth.

Depreciating your ride by sticking sticky things on your vehicle’s ass instantly turns you into a territorial asshole who is a major road-rage incident in the making.

Sorry Road-Ragers!!

Colorado State University social psychologist William Szlemko sez:
Drivers of cars with bumper stickers, window decals, personalized license plates and other “territorial markers” not only get mad when someone cuts in their lane or is slow to respond to a changed traffic light, but they are far more likely than those who do not personalize their cars to use their vehicles to express rage – by honking, tailgating and other aggressive behavior.

In other words — sticker slickers are jerks who think they own the roads, which makes them bad people, which makes the rest of us better than them, which means we can rightfully feel superior now.

Thanks Scientifical Researchification!!

“The more markers a car has, the more aggressively the person tends to drive when provoked,” Szlemko said. “Just the presence of territory markers predicts the tendency to be an aggressive driver.”

That means YOU – Mr. If the van is a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’. We know your game!

And little Miss ‘My Kid is a Crystal Cove Elementary Super Star’ Prius driver?
You’re not fooling anyone. We know you’d run a school bus full of kiddies off the road if the driver didn’t merge fast enough for you.

Bitch.

 

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There’s no hope for the rest of us Hot tranny mess …


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