Some advice for John McCain

June 4, 2008 at 6:13 pm 15 comments


Barack Obama is a lot younger than John McCain

Anyone but me see the potential for a Nixon-Kennedy type age/charisma/sweaty old man thing shaping up here?

Hey there Big Mac, you may be one sexy old beeyatch but get a damn makeover already!!

Seriously.

— The ruddiness of your geriatric paperskin makes your teeth look yellow. Bleach those Chiclets, will ya?
— Pluck or dye those scarybrows
— Tuck in the turkey-waddle
— And lose the combover, ‘kay? There’s nothin’ goin’ on up there. It’s ok. We know … you’re bald.

Take your Maverick Beef and go consult the expert maintaining physical stasis for more precise directions.
No – not Dick Clark! The old C-word herself — your wife, Cindy Lou, you silly!

Make an appointment and get your hot cross buns to a spa.
Git R Done, peepaw!

Trust me — you can benchpress a gozillion pounds on national teevee, armwrestle Schwarzenegger, swim the English Channel and Bungee jump the Empire State Building — but the moment you stand next to Barry the Beautiful you will look like America’s great uncle Nestor — the smelly old guy you prayed wouldn’t stand next to you in every family photo.
Ahh yes, Uncle Nestor — the geezer with the cold, shaky, age-spotted hands who remembers being the first family on his street to have a telephone, smiles sweetly when talking about penny candy and ‘talkies’ and falls asleep ten minutes after Sunday dinner (which is served in the afternoon).

You wanna be that guy?

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Hey kid! Stop killing the planet! Mentioning the Unmentionables …

15 Comments

  • 1. melancholymonday  |  June 4, 2008 at 7:59 pm

    And that’s just the beginning of his “To-Do List”…

    😉

  • 2. goodtimepolitics  |  June 4, 2008 at 8:00 pm

    Experience out weighs the looks anytime my friend! Haven’t you ever heard that things get better with age! 🙂

    http://goodtimepolitics.com/2008/06/02/obama-largely-approved-of-his-preacher-friends%e2%80%99-fiery-rhetoric/

  • 3. lifeisacookie  |  June 4, 2008 at 8:05 pm

    I have heard that (and tested the theory and can confirm it’s true – wink wink) — but if you live in this country, you know we are image-obsessed. He’s done well to do nothing about the appearance thus far (and I’m not kidding when I call him a sexy bitch — he IS) but he will need to do some ‘Youthin’ Up’ for a more general appeal.
    Just the way it is, you know …

  • 4. Type Writer  |  June 4, 2008 at 8:13 pm

    As a newly-minted potential-voter (just got sworn in as a citizen today), I feel I should weigh in here. Cookie has it right from the very first line: people who listened to Nixon-Kennedy on the radiio felt that Tricky Dick won, whereas people who watched the first televised presidential debate gave it to Kennedy.

    And we as a society have only gotten more superficial in the 48 years since then. Look back at all the presidents since Nixon and you’ll see certain patterns: they’ve all been tall with full heads of hai i.e. the kind of men who look good on television. But even if you put looks aside, experience counts for little if the plan is to continue policies of a president with the lowest approval rating in history…

    TW

  • 5. seriouslymcmillan  |  June 4, 2008 at 8:17 pm

    OMG! Bleach those chicklets! LMAO!!!

    More about McCain’s teeth.
    http://buzzfeed.com/tag/bad_teeth

    Truly,
    Seriously
    http://www.shesoghetto.wordpress.com

  • 6. goodtimepolitics  |  June 4, 2008 at 8:21 pm

    Obama lovers I see! No matter what he does or says they still are in love with him, not his stand on the issues which he has no experience what so ever! 🙂

  • 7. lifeisacookie  |  June 4, 2008 at 8:53 pm

    Congratulations TypeWriter!!! You go, mon!
    And SeriouslyMcMillan – I LURVE your blog!!!
    Mr. Goodtime … have you read ALL of the Cookie’s offerings????
    😉

  • 8. Type Writer  |  June 4, 2008 at 9:39 pm

    > Congratulations TypeWriter!!! You go, mon!

    Thanks, Cookie; this Jamaican guy is now free to be a little gay for your political boyfriend at the polls in November…

    TW
    p.s. Shouldn’t somebody called goodtimepolitics leave more fun comments? 🙂
    p.p.s. Shouldn’t the guy who suffered through a pointless war not be anxious to leave us in one?
    p.p.s. Shouldn’t people concede when all the voting is over and they’re still behind, especially when they’re angling for the VP spot? I’m just saying…

  • 9. lifeisacookie  |  June 5, 2008 at 12:00 pm

    Actually — I have to say that I think she shouldn’t concede at all. From a strategy standpoint — wouldn’t that give her more leverage at the convention?

  • 10. Type Writer  |  June 5, 2008 at 2:52 pm

    Yeah, leverage is always good, but Hilary also has to worry about negative perceptions, especially now when fence-mending is in order… But she does have electoral math on her side, so Obama may not have much choice… It all comes down to Sweet Caroline, I suppose…

    TW

  • 11. lifeisacookie  |  June 5, 2008 at 3:39 pm

    it’s gonna get fun 😉

  • 12. Let’s start a rumor « Life Is A Cookie  |  July 1, 2008 at 8:29 pm

    […] week before he met with my baby Barry. CHEATER! ::: I wonder if they talked about how to whiten those yellow Chiclets ol’ Mav is flashin’? […]

  • 13. We have thoughts on policy, too … « Life Is A Cookie  |  August 29, 2008 at 8:17 pm

    […] Big Mac listened to the advice we doled out back in June – AWESOME! ::: wish he’d take our advice about those Chiclets tho .. […]

  • 14. curious  |  October 15, 2008 at 7:20 pm

    mccain has fought against socialism and communism in the military and his fight continues today against a socialist named barrakhussein obama. oh my, did i say his middle name? i am sure i will scolded for that. no free speech after he is elected and hide your money because he is coming after that too.

  • […] history.::: idiot! :::Then his rabid race-baiting followers grossed voters out even more than his geezer locks and lemony Chiclets.::: 5 words peepaw: Elizabeth Arden Red Door Spa :::AND NOW his losery loserness has just wreaked […]


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