Garbage … it’s what’s for dinner

June 2, 2008 at 7:04 pm 6 comments


Garbage Dumpster - It's What's For DinnerOh my god – this is HUGE!
I have found the answer to EVERYTHING — and the best part? It’s all around me and it’s all FREE!!!!!
Woo hoo!!

I can live a virtually cost-free life by putting the F-word into practice.

See, there’s this group of cheap hippie freaks people who call themselves Freegans and they’ve figured out how to live the ‘One man’s trash is another man’s treasure’ principle on a daily basis.
*Freegie-Beegies are people who rummage through the stink, the slime, the stench and salmonella of trash bins everywhere searching for food, household items, paper products, clothes and just about any old nastay-ass discard you can imagine — and they live off their haul.

It’s not Dumpster diving — it’s Waste Reclamation and, with my homeowner’s insurance skyrocketing, food prices through the roof and gas prices almost forcing me to choose between my drinking problem and getting around town — I have decided to leverage a little Freeganism for my freegin’ good!

But am I ready? Do I have what it takes to be truly Freeganiving?
I think I am … I think I do!

Every Thursday, my local Publix takes the stale, slightly moldy bread and all the lingering limp vegetables from their shelves and cycles them out to the galvanized-steel ‘reclamation’ bins behind the store … talk about your five-finger discount!
Freeganomical!

Cafeteria employees over at Midlands Elementary take each day’s uneaten remains and repurpose them to a set of plastic drums sitting in a lonely, unshaded corner of the parking lot. What I once thought of as maggot magnets I now see as full-on hot lunch buffet!!
Freeganistic!

I have a neighbor who works about four blocks from my office … a neighbor who doesn’t lock his car at night (well that’s what I HEARD !). If I can get my freeloadin’ ass up a sneaky ten minutes earlier, I can stow away in his trunk and silently slug my way to the office each day.
Freeganificent!

Oh, I know it won’t be all bitter broccoli and second-hand saliva. Foraging isn’t all fun and games!
And if it doesn’t pan[handle] out, I may be forced to practice some Voluntary Joblessness to offset the impact of my lack of transportation, which I further understand may lead to an unavoidable period of Rent-Free Habitation in one of the abandoned foreclosures in my immediate area … but what is life if not sacrifice?
*And hey, if I get arrested — that’s even MORE free food and accommodations comin’ my way! It’s win-win!!

Who wants to help me prove that the best things in life are free… and, well yeah, fungal??

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Entry filed under: blogging, entertainment, fun, funny, Gossip, life, News, odd, unbelievable, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

Too good for the rest of us … Hey kid! Stop killing the planet!

6 Comments

  • 1. croixian1  |  June 2, 2008 at 7:15 pm

    Hmmm, you may be onto something there, do I have to bring my own lunch tray, or are they provided?

  • 2. johnnypeepers  |  June 2, 2008 at 8:31 pm

    Freeganism rocks, I read about it a couple of months ago and I think it is a sensible alternative to our materialistic consumption based society. Have you heard about guerilla gardening?

  • 3. Type Writer  |  June 2, 2008 at 8:59 pm

    Guerilla gardening sounds like what passers-by in Jamaica do when they stone your mango tree 🙂 Hey, Neighbour Cookie, I don’t know that I’m down with the dumpster diving, but I wouldn’t mind working on that drinking problem you and Mr. Cookie have sometime…

    TW

  • 4. lifeisacookie  |  June 2, 2008 at 9:08 pm

    *hic … kay

  • 5. iluvyou  |  February 5, 2009 at 9:33 pm

    GROSS! Please tell me you did not do this

  • 6. Type Hype « Life Is A Cookie  |  January 19, 2010 at 11:09 am

    […] you didn’t dig the digs runnimg rampant all through my fumeration over all things Freegan then you need to rethink those morning […]


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