Jason Beghe Deathwatch

April 16, 2008 at 7:39 pm 8 comments

Jason Beghe denounces ScientologyMark your calendars – it’s time to play SCIENTOLOGY DEATHWATCH!!! Woo hoo!!!

Today’s newly-enlightened but horrifically unlucky contestant is actor Jason Beghe, who is signing his own death warrant leaving the most effed up quasi-religion EVER Church of Scientology after 14 years, calling the cult religion “destructive and a rip-off”.

::: shovels and bags of lye being purchased somewhere in California :::

Beghe was a dyed-in-the-wool thetan who had completed so many brainwashing ceremonies courses that he was considered a ‘top Scientologist’ (aka an OT 5), just like couch hopper Tom Cruise, fatty manlover John Revolting and buffet queen Kirstie Alley.

THAT  is some damned fine company to keep, yet somehow the love affair has ended and Beghe was able to tunnel his way to short-lived freedom guided only by a pen light, cunning wit and a whole lotta moxie!

He even posted a video on YouTube denouncing Xenu, the tone scale, the bridge to total freedom and all of the other batshit crazy Scientological ‘teachings’ as “very, very dangerous for your spiritual, psychological, mental, emotional health and evolution. I think it stunts your evolution. If Scientology is real, then something’s f—ed up.”

Ouch! Someone took a detour on the Way to Happiness!

He goes on … “I don’t have an agenda. I’m just trying to help. I have the luxury of having gotten into Scientology and after having been in it, been out. And that’s a perspective that people who are still in and not out do not have.”

::: Bow and back saws are located in backroom of Celebrity Centre :::

Once his deprogramming is complete, we’d like to forecast a long, happy life for this new non-follower of the Galactic Confederacy … but we can’t.

Because he’ll be dead soon.

What?!? He will be!!! That’s how Scientologists roll. GAWD — don’t you people know anything?!?
You’re either with them or your on their “Sooo-Needs-To-Die” list, which is exactly where Beghe will be as soon as the secret society of OT Eight’s snatch him up and force an E-meter up his ass.

Just ask Sonny Bono or Lisa McPherson or Jeremy Blake and Theresa Duncan or Terry Schiavo … oh wait, that’s right … you can’t … because they’re all dead.

We hope Beghe has his accounts in order, his dental records up-to-date and has recently told those he cares about how he feels. An encounter with the God dynamic is for damn sure on his karmic to-do list …

::: a pick-axe deeply gouges a remote plot of sun-baked earth in Nevada :::

Entry filed under: blogging, entertainment, fun, funny, Gossip, life, News, unbelievable, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , .

These kids today … When does the torch get to Darfur?


  • 1. anonymous  |  April 22, 2008 at 2:17 am

    Eh… Do you have super sekrit informations to share about Sonny Bono and Terry Sciavo? I’m curious about your including them in your list of murdered Scilons?


  • 2. lifeisacookie  |  April 22, 2008 at 3:33 pm

    Bono was a Scientologist at the time of his death. Terry Schiavo’s husband was a Scientologist at the time of her coma/death.

  • 3. anonymous  |  April 22, 2008 at 4:17 pm

    I looked and couldn’t find anything that pins Michael Schiavo as a Scilon. If you have some proof that he was, please share- you will make me an Hero to all my friends.

    Yes Terry died in a near identical manner as Lisa. Yes in Clearwater, too, but proof man! Proof!!

    And didn’t Bono die in a skiing accident? Okay it is a bit weird. How many people die of massive head injuries while skiing? Turns out it’s pretty rare but it does happen.

  • 4. lifeisacookie  |  April 22, 2008 at 7:38 pm

    Freerepublic lists him as such. His actions regarding his wife and her care and ultimately her death indicate he is or at least that he follows the doctrine, specifically the death doctrine…
    Bono’s an interesting one — official ruling is death by tree. There is an ex FBI dude who’s working a theory he was the target of a hit — forensic experts actually think there may be meat to that one. But he’s an ex-Catholic who converted to Scientology.

    … or so my paranoid souces say …

  • 5. Mary  |  April 23, 2008 at 4:04 am

    Are you trying to ruin the fun Jason is having? Life is a risk. he took the risk and left. He certainly does not need a death warrent on top of all that.

  • 6. lifeisacookie  |  April 23, 2008 at 1:29 pm

    too bad Mary — he’s got one whether he wants it or not.
    Tick tick tick!!

  • 7. Sex me, Genie! « Life Is A Cookie  |  August 28, 2008 at 2:16 pm

    […] genie thought Jason Beghe Deathwatch was written by some kind of tranny or something. At 427 words, it was almost too close to […]

  • 8. noni  |  February 5, 2009 at 9:31 pm

    I haven’t heard from this guy in a while … is he still alive?

Creative Commons License
Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.

%d bloggers like this: