Clearly, God hates CNN

March 17, 2008 at 2:45 pm 1 comment

He must! Why else would God throw a flesh-ripping, power-stopping, roof-tearing F-10000 monster tornado right at them?!?

Yes he did! Right at the CNN building — THE most important building in all of the ATL!

Ahhh, they are victims, aren’t they? Ok, well, maybe of their own hype. I haven’t seen verbal storm diarrhea this bad since Rick “there are leeeeeeaves in the pooooool” Sanchez’ days in Miami!

CNN goes apeshit after tornado hits AtlantaA tornado hit downtown Atlanta this weekend and CNN went positively apeshit after their building was damaged. (For the uninitiated, tornados are a de facto part of life in the South. And, while they don’t usually wreak such havoc on the most urban of areas, they DO happen.)

Usually it’s the Weather Channel guys going nutzo-gonzo-commando-retardo when Mother Nature get bitchy, but this time it started (for me) with Linda Stouffer’s repetitive near-screetch Saturday morning that the CNN offices were ‘at the epicenter of the twister!’

Note to Linda’s producer: Epicenter is usually reserved for earthquakes as it refers to the point on the earth’s surface directly above the center of the disturbance. I know she’s just a talking head and not a meteorologist, but it helps to know this stuff when you’re in broadcast news, ‘kay?

Viewers were then treated to Betty Nguyen taking us on a tour of part of the newsroom where, gasp! their ‘writers and our producers sit.’ Oh the humanity!  I didn’t see any severed limbs, bloody body parts or anything – but portions of the set were covered with blue tarp — so you KNOW that was some serious shit!

Outside? Damage elsewhere? Real-person, non-CNN-building type injuries?
Umm, I may need to check out Fox or MSNBC to get that info …

Today, two full days after the ‘tragedy’ of the CNN building being damaged, the network is still so far up it’s own ‘storm ravaged’ ass that we’re still touring that building with the occasional still shot of somewhere else in the city (probably taken by Fox or MSNBC) — but it all pales in comparison to the devastation that CNN itself suffered when the tornado slammed into the CNN building, which was at the epicenter of the CNN-focused monster storm … ya, we get it. You guys are suffering!!

Get back to us when you are on your 5th day of navigating mosquito-filled floodwaters — with no power and dwindling food and water supplies in +98-degree heat and no way to leave, pussies.

For those us of in the unique position to have grown up in the South (WITH tornados – WOW!) and gone on to deal with YEARS of hurricanes (which spawn whaaat? TORNADOS — HOLY SHIT!) — WE are not impressed with how very impressed you are with yourselves.

Give cash and supplies to the shelters in your areas, pay to have some of the schools, police stations or firehouses repaired — and do it because it’s the right thing to do, not because you can get video and lede with it that night … THEN maybe we’ll be impressed with you.


Entry filed under: blogging, comedy, education, entertainment, fun, funny, Gossip, humor, life, News, odd, TV, unbelievable, Uncategorized.

And the shitty signage award goes to … Did E? Dunno!

1 Comment

  • 1. shell  |  April 23, 2008 at 10:01 pm

    To have the news barge into the studio must be a dream come true for tv reporters… It’s like when print reporters first got access to the World Wide Web; suddenly, all the articles were taken up with either what was going on online or with facts they clearly just Googled from somewhere. Why go out and do leg-work when you can just sit at your desk and surf the ‘Net? Don’t mind me, I just like pointing out writers being lazy 🙂


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