And it’s on like Donkey Kong!

February 25, 2008 at 12:57 am 1 comment


Chillpig drowning in glass of water Not that I really know what it actually means to be ‘on like Donkey Kong’ but it rhymes and sounds just a bit intimidating, so I think it works.

Oh yes — I’m bringin’ it like that straight outta the gate! You know who you are and I’m closin’ in — there’s a storm comin’ and it’s comin’ for YOU!

You see, just as the ink was drying on Chillpig’s release papers from St. Mary’s following the horrific kidnapping that had held the nation captive last week, his tormentor struck again! Waiting in line at the hospital cafeteria for my $4.50 cup of day-old, luke warm Joe – I spied a red Kia flying over speedbumps and dodging wheelchairs on its way out of the parking lot. Naturally I assumed it was a disgruntled patient trying to ditch an outrageous hospital bill.  

Naturally, I was wrong. Just then the hospital’s public address system sputtered a static-y all-points alert for someone dressed as a “doctor” carrying two very round and pink “objects” while running toward the parking lot.  “CURSES, YOU KIA-DRIVING ABDUCTOR,” I shouted to the cafeteria cook heavens.

Inside that Kia was Chillpig! Beside Chillpig was Pinky – Chill’s adopted son and sometime companion (what? They’re Southern – didn’t you see Deliverance?).
Pink gets hung
By the time the authorities realized the kidnapper (or was there more than one? So many unknowns!!) had struck again, the Kia (which I now know stands for Kidnappers’ Inside Assault) had a solid 45-minute lead, during which time these ransom photos began trickling in … A drowning! A hanging!
This aggression would not stand – this I vowed with bitten lip and clenched fist. I felt like the ugly big sister in Poltergeist shouting ‘What’s happening?!?” while standing in the rain at the end of my driveway while my house disintegrated in front of me.

These people could not leave Chilpig be — and now they’d put Pinky in harm’s way as well. To what end? What did they want?? Where could they be?!?

(Can’t you can tell just how serious the situation by the overuse of double question marks and exclamation points!?!?!!!??!?) 

stay tuned…

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Entry filed under: blogging, entertainment, fun, Gossip, life, Uncategorized.

Best. Diet. EVER! ‘Bonita’ Bacon Bringer

1 Comment

  • 1. ‘Bonita’ Bacon Bringer « Life Is A Cookie  |  February 25, 2008 at 9:42 pm

    […] you know, the most recent abduction happened in broad daylight from the hallowed (but obviously security-lite) halls of St. Mary’s […]


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