‘Bonita’ Bacon Bringer

February 25, 2008 at 9:41 pm 2 comments


It’s been a harrowing several hours since we resumed the hunt for my favorite not-yet-bacon bits, who have had quite the adventure, let me tell you!

As you know, the most recent abduction happened in broad daylight from the hallowed (but obviously security-lite) halls of St. Mary’s hospital. Reports of a red Kia driven by a pulchritudinous yet adroit young woman came in from all corners of the room globe. I say ‘young woman’ because CP keeps repeating “muchacha bonita con pelo oscuro, muchacha bonita con pelo oscuro.” — and my hair is not what anyone would consider dark.

Seems ‘bonita’ took the little ham hocks from the hospital directly to the airport where they boarded a flight for the Virgin Islands. Photos of Pinky driving the getaway car in the HOV lane of I-95 and Chillpig parasailing in the VI quickly surfaced on the cover of OK! magazine.

Chillpig parasailing in the Virgin IslandsThe feds were backing off, search party members were seen (ACK) NOT. SEARCHING and, possibly worst of all – Ralph Nader entered the U.S. Presidential Race, which has nothing whatsoever to do with this situation but the event itself is clearly a sign of the apocalypse!

Things were beginning to smell fishy! This was looking less and less like an abduction and more and more like some sicko, twisted love triangle! I was expecting to hear from Jerry Springer any minute now wanting to talk to ‘The Piggy Mamma’ and that just icks me out!

La Bonita (as the world would soon come to know her) was now treating my divine swine like royalty. They had gone from death threats (I remember the near drowning and hanging attempts — doesn’t anyone else?!?) to acts of fun and frolic. Pinky drives the getaway carThey were, in fact, VACATIONING while the rest of the world sat on pins and needles awaiting news of their recovery.

The world worries and they party.

Pigs! (oh wait, I guess that’s not really an insult here … dang)

There could only be one conclusion: This had to be a case of Stockholm Syndrome!

This she-devil had successfully turned my porcine pets into her diabolical little devotees. they do, it seems, miss her. What IS the source of her power!?!

Even now, back in their native environs, they continue to talk about “muchacha bonita con pelo oscuro” … and what am I left to do?

What indeed! I just don’t know yet … but all of these pork references are making me hungry … heeeyyyy Chillpig!

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Entry filed under: blogging, entertainment, fun, Gossip, life, News, Politics, Uncategorized.

And it’s on like Donkey Kong! DID YOU HEAR DID YOU HEAR DID YOU HEAR

2 Comments

  • 1. The abductor  |  February 27, 2008 at 2:15 am

    I love this one!!!!

    Ofcourse my piggies miss me..I pampered them! Mani’s, Pedi’s, facials, shopping sprees, not to mention dining in the finest restaurants… What could you possibly have to offer them after their experience?

    I suspect there will be no need to abduct them, they will come along willingly..Beg to come back to me..

    On another note, how kind of you to refer to me as a “Young woman”..After all I’ve done ;o)

    Larry enjoyed as well..

  • 2. lifeisacookie  |  February 27, 2008 at 3:54 pm

    Well yes, you ARE a young woman who I must now (at the behest of the fair Chillpig) call … the Bombinatrix!


This is the shit you bitches are reading


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