Swine Scandal UPDATE!

February 20, 2008 at 2:16 pm 1 comment

Cute little piggyHours after the first ransom note appeared on my desk, Chillpig’s abductor sent shocking photos of the divine swine to my cellphone! Clearly, foul play was involved. This was a sly perpetrator and I would need to proceed with caution.

I couldn’t do it alone, I knew this.

The first few critical hours had passed and now I would have to move into an accelerated recovery mode.

While investigators worked to piece together a timeline since CP was last seen chillin’ on my desk, I distributed flyers, formed a search posse and combed the office building. I had to hold out hope that Chillpig’s tormentor would not flee the immediate vicinity –but time was running out and I knew that anything was possible.

Just when it seemed that all hope was fading, the local NBC channel broke into their wall-to-wall Super Bowl-type coverage of Fidel Castro’s apparent death resignation to inform the public of Chillpig’s plight. And just in the nic of time too!

Just as the America’s Most Wanted crew were putting the final touches on their piece detailing Chillpig’s possible torment while being held captive — THE call we’d been waiting for finally came in!

Police arrest perpetrator abductor clownUsing NASA-engineered, space-age technologies to retask the government’s primary Global Positioning Satellite, investigators were able to pinpoint the location of the caller. SWAT teams using infrared night-vision quickly moved into position and took down the perp.

Chillpig, suffering from extreme shock, was rushed to St. Mary’s hospital and remains in critical but stable condition this morning.

“It was awful,” I was quoted as saying to Larry King when he called during his show to get an update on the ‘national nightmare’. “We just want to thank everyone for keeping Chillpig in their prayers and all of those who sent in donations to keep the search going. It was touch-and-go there for a while, but because of YOU, we will have our beloved CP back very soon!”

Whew, right??

Entry filed under: Gossip, News, Uncategorized.

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1 Comment

  • 1. It’s ON, Bitches! « Life Is A Cookie  |  February 25, 2008 at 12:57 am

    […] 25, 2008 Just as the ink was drying on Chillpig’s release papers from St. Mary’s following the horrific kidnapping that had held the nation captive last week, his tormentor struck […]

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