Dobbs in 2012?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHELLNO!

The blubbery, rubbery rosacea-faced Republican got his fo’ shizzle on when asked by Fred ‘Red October’ Thompson whether he’d consider running for President in 2012.

“Yes is the answer,” he blah blah’d over the airwaves.

Lou “There’s aliens ever-whurr!” Dobbs wants the White House.
Not so fast, peepaw!
I mean, this shit ain’t presidential!
::: … or, hmmmm, IS it … :::

“I’m gonna be talking some more with some folks who want me to listen to ‘em in the next few weeks. I mean I don’t even know what to tell you in terms of where I’m leaning. Because right now I’m fortunate to have a number of just wonderful options.”

Something vaguely famililar here … wakspeak … can’t commit to an original thought without prior advisor approval … no plan … don’t know … well, maybe … ‘options’ … blessed fortunate this’n'that …

… where have I heard this kind of confusing communicatory caca before??
Oh yeah …..

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Get excited!!!
Ring the bells and release the doves – this is GREAT shit!!

The Republican party is just a big ol’ natty bunch of nimrods who have gone absolutely and 100% gonzo retard!
Can you smell the AWESOME?!?
I mean, this basically guarantees we’ll get ringside seats to THE greatest show on Earth – a field fucking full of mouthfarts like Beck or Limbaugh or Hannity or Coulter (don’t count that skank out) thinking their blowhardiness can blow hard enough to diminish my boyfriend’s glittery shimmery aura of audacified hopification.

DREAM ON, BITCHES!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

But, you know, this could be one seriously big buncha F-U-N!
Let ’em all run!
Well, everyone but Limbaugh.
Those hamhocks rubbing together at a runner’s pace would generate enough heat to melt that fucking lardass right … where … he … stan … uhh, on second thought RUN RUSH RUUUUUUN!!!!!

I’m all ‘huh?!’

Just so we’re skr8 – don’t go ’round expecting some rockstar followup to yesterday’s ‘like’able post that inexplicably earned supernova way cool WordPress HP street cred for the Cookie:

‘cuz LIAC is going to be the worldwide proof all of humanity has been craving when it comes to that whole lightning/same place theory, ‘kay?

Instead, we turn our talons today to newspaper nimroddery and the deft touch they (more often than not lately) lend to daily dumbfuckery.

BEHOLD!

I mean, I’m super happy and all to read that United’s working to spiff itself up because, well, who are they kidding. They need to.

But, uhh, quick question … What does United updating its antiquated airline have to do with Sears cutting costs in order to put a spit shine on its shit?!

Eh?
Huh?!
Oh yeah, that’s right – NOTHING!!

Editor’s Note: Journalism 101 sez the headline, story, photo and cutline generally all should jibe …

I’m not naming names here but someone who’s initials are THE LOS ANGELES FUCKING TIMES COPY DESK needs to make a date to remediate!

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Update: HAHA — we totally you LA Times for fixing your fuckup.
Want a copy of our ultraprimo screenshot for posterity? :P

I don’t blame you, Frank Zappa

As long as we’re talkin’ ’bout words’n-all, I think serious consideration should be given to liquidating the word ‘like’ from the English language.

FREALZ!

Because that bitch is as flexible as a Sarah Palin book-tour schedule, it can be used as a noun, a verb, an adverb, an adjective, a piece of punctuation, a preposition, a particle, a conjunction or interjection!
::: multitasker extaordinaire!! :::

And I’m totally down with all applications – until it comes to the punctuation, particle and conjunction part because those are peeves (in addition to whether or not - stopitstopitstopit!) that drive me seven full Mack truckloads of batshit crazy.

It is, like, SOOOOOO upsetting, you know? I mean, do you, like, get my, like, point?

Ugh.

But in all seriousness (and pay attention, ‘cuz we don’t do that often here at LIAC) – it’s got to stop.

Because, when you get right down to it, overusing the word ‘like’ is the same as faking your tan, artificially pumping your pucker (or other parts ) or bulking up your brats with boatloads of rusk, excess fibers, maltodextrine or MDM.

IT”S FILLER, FOLKS!
::: just say no :::

When their whiteness is too white, the pigment deficient think nothing of full-on fakery.
::: fake what’cha mamma gave ya! :::
When their lips (or butt, boobs or fun-time banana) aren’t exactly luscious, folks don’t think twice about some strategic surgical servicing.
::: New math: You + phony = putzling :::
And when the food industry wants to maximize profits by minimizing the merit and naturalness (yeah, I said it) of their products, they stuff their stock with whatever will lengthen its shelf-life.
::: caveat emptor, kiddies :::

Like is, like, no different.

Because people can’t think of don’t know the right words anymore – because zero significance has been placed on the enormous importance of appropriate word choice – they’ve leached onto ‘like’ and haven’t let go.

But it’s time to read a fucking dictionary, dickweeeds!.
As much as we encourage the silly and stupid, alliterative linguistic logorrhea, asshattery, fucktardeness and all things scientifical – this one we’re serious about.

Like, totally.

Idiots on the air

Editorial comment: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

No, but seriously – these two jackbags [nods to greeneyedgirl] prove the point: There is nothing more dangerous than an uninformed electorate.
(buying a book doesn’t mean you can read it, scooter …)

Put the brakes on breakfast, bitches!

The pancakes are pleased and the muffins amused but you can bet your sweet ass the ankle-biters in your abode are gonna be 12 shades of WAAAHHHHHHH when they find out about the nationwide waffle shortage.

!!!!! WAAAHHHHHHHFLE SHORTAGE !!!!!

That’s right, ‘rents – it’s time to push the panic button!
::: oh noes!!!!! :::

The Kellogg Company announced the awfulness and blamed the batter cake blight on “a confluence of events” — including Listeria monocytogenes [Mmmm Mmmm good!] that forced its Atlanta manufacturing plant to be shuttered for some serious sanitizing and then wouldnchajustnkowit – freak flooding at the same facility just as they were ready to resume production.
::: timing is everything :::

Kellogg flak Kris Charles conceded, “Flooding at our Atlanta facility as well as equipment issues necessitating extensive enhancements and repairs at our largest waffle bakery facility.”

Oh, but it’s ok.
I’m sure they’re on it.
I’m sure they have a plan!
I’m sure they wouldn’t just wing it when it comes to a full-scale waffle washout!

“We are working around the clock to restore Eggo store inventories to normal levels as quickly as possible,” Charles said in crystal clear industry insider codespeak which, loosely translated, means ‘the chances of Joe Consumer gettin’ those griddle goodies at his local grocery are about the same as Palin getting a Pulitzer’.
::: Hi Slim! Meet NONE! :::

Hmmm … maybe it’s time to crack open that container of Kashi?
… just sayin’ …

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