Hand Jive

This here’s a buncha straight up bullcrap mess and jess about the last straw I’m willin’ tuh take, let me jess tell yew right nah!

First some sunzuhbitches got they’re drawz all bunched, tryin’ tuh pass laws sayin’ we couldn’ have no truck balls no more cuz they wuz ‘offensive’ er some bullcrap like ‘at.
En, as if  ‘at wuddn’t bad enuf – now they’s tryinnuh take away mah bird!

MAH MUTHUHFUCKIN’ BIRD, PEOPLE!!!

Well, psfshhhht! That shit ain’t hattnin’, let me jess say that right nah!

If yew tea-drankin’, rainbow-luvin’, sandal-wearin’ pansies who’r always bitchin’ ’bout this thang or that thag not bein’ puhlite enough fer yer ‘delicate sensibilities’ or yer preshuss chirren then let me jess advise yew tuh either back up off mah tail and don’ look when yew see mah sweet Silverado or buy yerself a bus ticket!

‘Cuz I am fed. the. fuck. UP!
I am sick en tahrd of havin’ tuh worry ’bout wut yer worried ’bout!
Worry ’bout yer own mess en I’ll worry ’bout mine. Tew each ‘is own ’cuz I’ll jess say that if y’all don’t cuttit with this crap yer gonna see up close en pers’nal what road rage is all about!!

No more Mr. Nahss Gah!
Ain’t no threat. Jess thuh way i’tiz.
Nah fuckawff!

R.I.P Billy Mays

What in Oxyclean hell is going on here, people?!?!?

TV screamer Billy Mays was found ‘unresponsive’ by his wife at their Tampa, Florida home yesterday morning and pronounced dead a short time later.
::: ! :::

Billy’d been on a plane the day before that had a bad landing, which he recapped in his Twitter report:
“Just had a close call landing in Tampa. The tires blew out upon landing. Stuck in the plane on the runway. You can always count on US Air.”

In an interview after the landing, Billy said he’d taken a pretty hard hit to the head … hmmmmmm
::: uhh, Natasha Richardson??? :::

This is getting weird now, guys … do we start the count over now?

Whaaaat?!? You were thinking it!

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AWESOMENESS!!!!

Beat it Burger King!
Suckit Spirit Airlines!!

THIS Flash funny is the most awesomely fantastic fucking ad ever to be nestled gently inside a javascript protocol!!!
::: frealz :::

Click here (and do what the man says …) for some HAHAHA – hell yeah!

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R.I.P City Stages

What a week, eh?

Ed McMahon. Farrah Fawcett. Michael Jackson. City Stages.

City what?

City Stages – ‘The best music festival you’ve never heard of’ if you’re not from ’round here, according to a Chicago Sun Times review.
‘Here’ being parts near or around Birmingham, Alabama.

The three-day, family-friendly, arts and music festival  run by the Birmingham Cultural and Heritage Foundation showcased the last of all performances for, like, ever this year after a more than two decade long run.
::: sadness :::

The event is credited with helping transform Birmingham’s downtown area from blight to bright – re-establishing it as a great place to eat, shop, work and – well, just be.

But dumbass scheduling mistakes around 2001 (move it to grainy rainy May — how’d THAT work out?!?) saddled the hugely popular (and previously rapidly expanding) festival with mounting debt – forcing organizers to scale it down to keep it going. And it did … until this year.

Carrying a debt of more than $1 million, City Stages’ president – George McMillan – said this week that his show, well, won’t go on. 

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DAMN THIS FUCKING WEEK!
::: Must regroup :::

KITTENSPUPPIESCOTTONCANDY KITTENSPUPPIESCOTTONCANDY 
KITTENSPUPPIESCOTTONCANDY KITTENSPUPPIESCOTTONCANDY
::: deep, cleansing breaths … :::

I close my eyes. I sail down a glorious rainbow of shimmery, shiny happiness. Wheeeee!!!!!!!!! I land on a cotton-candy puff in a land where I can sleep ’till noon on a weekday and my wine glass is never empty …. Ahhhhhhh

Number Three???

UPDATE:

DAYUM!

MJ dead at 50

Earlier:
TMZ is reporting that Michael Jackson was taken by ambulance to a hospital in Los Angeles.
The LA Times reports he was not breathing when paramedics arrived.

Both are reporting he suffered a cardiac arrest, that paramedics administered CPR in the ambulance and that his mom is on her way.

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