A bum idea

I recycle.
I drive an energy-efficient automobile.
I use kitchen towels instead of paper ones.
I turn off the water while I soap up in the shower.
I unplug all appliances and most other things before I leave the house.

Every day I try to make choices that will lighten my personal carbon footprint – but, you know, I just have to draw the line at this shit!

Wallypop Cloth Toilet Wipes

Yessir! The wacky naturalists over at Wallypoo are promoting the application of the cloth-diaper concept to the very results-oriented adult butt.

Cloth.
As in REUSABLE.
As in peepee pads and shit sopper-uppers  that your ecological ass has to touch, store, tranport and ultimately *blech* clean — you know, so you can have that same stank fun all over again!
::: vomitus interruptus ::: 

According to their craptastic website:
“Using cloth wipes for urine-only visits to the bathroom is so simple it’s hardly worth mentioning. Go, wipe, and then toss the wipe into whatever container you prefer.”
::: Nuh uh, sorry … I prefer the circular stream of water in the big porcelain bowl that makes it all go bye bye for, like EVER! :::

“Using cloth wipes for other toilet visits is not any more difficult, but there is a certain ick factor involved.”
::: YA THINK?!? :::

“Consider how much waste you’re willing to leave on your children’s diapers or wipes when you toss them in the pail.”
::: … willing … to … WHAT??? :::
“ Use the same standards for yourself.”
::: Bwuhhh? :::
“Shake, scrape, swish, or squirt off anything you don’t want in your laundry, and then toss the wipe into the pail or container.”
::: Phffflick! Blickkk! ACK!!! :::

NO!
I won’t do it!!
I CAN’T!!!

I’d pick leaves! Newspaper! Even the hurtful half-ply sheets of generic brand sandpaper the dollar store sells before I’d willingly walk the caca colonnade.

Oh hell, I’m so grossed out picturing people packing up their poo that I just may never eat (or excrete) again!!

* Now that’s eco-friendly! *