Shiraz Syndrome

Something is wrong with me. I think I’ve known it for a while. The telltale signs are all there.

simple-math freakouts at tip time
::: 15% of $10?!? ACK!!!! :::

dwindling attention spa …
::: FOCUS!!!! :::

mystery body piercings
::: twinkly belly-buttony shininess :::

inappropriate emails from ‘Rico’
::: I don’t remember you. Your pics scare me. Seriously dude – please go away. :::

 

I just never connected the dots, never realized it all pointed to a larger problem … until now.

During my morning ritual of headline digestion I ran across an article titled ‘Does Drinking Alcohol Shrink Your Brain?‘ and I was immediately all ‘Well, does it?’

I had to know! I swigged the last of my morning Stoli and settled in for a read.

Some chick named Carol Ann Paul set out a while back to researchify just what, exactly, alcohol does to the human brain. She thought she could show that booze puts the beatdown on certain kinds of brain shrinkage.

As it turns out, her findings revealed the opposite. Instead of bringing the shrinkage beatdown, hitting the sauce brings on the shrinkage.
::: … and I know what else it shrinks! I DO remember Rico!!!! :HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! :::

“People who drink alcohol — even the moderate amounts that help prevent heart disease — have a smaller brain volume than those who do not“, according to Carol Ann’s serious scientifical firewater findings, which were published in the Archives of Neurology.

 

Cocktails do some funky shit to the contents of your cranium – I get it. I’m totally on board with that.

Now who’s doing the reefer report and can I volunteer????