Let’s stay focused, people!
June 25, 2008
Wait – let me get this straight …
The national average price for a gallon of regular gasoline is more than $4, which has caused:
* The po-po to get stupid creative
* Suburban brats to lose their shit over, well, losing their shit
* Caffeine-crackies to ditch their morning mocha-docha-nilla-soy-tofu-wheatgrass-no foam-grande-tall-whatthefuckisthisbullshit-latte
* Town fair operators to yank their weiners
… and well — you get the idea.
High gas prices suck, y’all!!
But it’s not just the price of petrol that’s turned us into a nation of Gloomy Gusses …
* Milk is nine-thousand-dollar-a-gallon (not really … but ‘get ready’ is all I’m saying …)
* Your 12-year-old rusted out Chevy beater is worth more than the house you bought a year ago
* That job you thought you had when you drove to work this morni … oh, sorry — HR on Line 2 …
No wonder a recent poll revealed 8 out of every 10 Americans think the country is headed in, well, just ALL kids of the wrongest or wrong directions!!
::: seriously – we needed to do an actual poll to know this?!? :::
Buuuuuttttt — never fear!
Shallow American Vanity is here!!!
YAY SHALLOW AMERICAN STUPIDI, ERR, VANITY!!!!
It’s true - just ask Lauren!
Lauren couldn’t get an unsecured bank loan to gas up the earth-raping Hummer she bought to show 
But take heart kiddies – it will all be ok because Lauren is a modern, American woman. And modern, American women have super-ninja skills when it comes to foregoing fuel and food and friends and fun as long as they can keep their one, true love:
Plastic Surgery
Ayep – In 2007, Americans spent more than $13 billion for nearly 11.7 million cosmetic procedures. That’s up from nearly 8.5 million procedures in 2001.
“While today’s economy reflects a slow-down in plastic surgery procedures, the specialty will weather the current decline in economic growth just as it has previous declines, such as the stock market correction after the 2001 Internet bubble,” said ASPS President Richard D’Amico, MD.
::: anyone else creeped out by a body doc who talks like a hedge-fund manager? :::
And really, when you get right down to it — isn’t it heartening to know that in these very uncertain and scary economic times, your fellow citizen-ettes are holding tight, tight , TIGHT to the things that really matter …
Botox, bigger lips, new boobs and lipo
God Bless Help America
Entry Filed under: Gossip, News, Politics, blogging, entertainment, fun, funny, life, odd, unbelievable. Tags: automobile, botox, caffeine, coffee, comedy, cosmetic surgery, doctor, economy, finances, financial, food, gas, gas prices, grocery store, health, hometown, Hummer, humor, layoff, liposuction, local, medical, milk, patriotic, plastic surgery, policy, random, sarcasm, satire, self image, Starbucks, thoughts, troops, war, writing.
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1.
johnnypeepers | June 25, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Them botox bitches’ faces is rotting and their brains are turning to mush. It must suck to have to pump deadly toxins into your face to make people like you. I don’t pity none of them hoes, not for a minute.
2.
Type Writer | June 25, 2008 at 5:43 pm
For the kids protesting the loss of their “cabel” due to their “momm’y monny” being spent on gas, their mother needs to keep the cable till they can spell the word. Not to be a snob about it, but nothing makes you less educated than bad spelling skills…
TW
3.
Type Writer | June 25, 2008 at 5:45 pm
I meant “nothing makes you seem less educated”. I wonder if bad proofreading skills are as bad as bad spelling?
TW
4.
Type Writer | June 26, 2008 at 9:20 pm
Just saw another mistake in my initial comment: I meant to say that the mother should keep the cable turned off . Oy, what a schmuck am I…
TW
5.
lifeisacookie | June 26, 2008 at 9:30 pm
You are TOO funny!!!